Being a Woman

 Hello Everyone, as always, I hope things are going well for you, if you're in the North like me, stay warm and for those in the Southern Hemisphere, don't forget your sunblock. Even though I have travelled a great deal, sometimes it's hard to remember, we aren't all experiencing the same thing at the same time even the weather! I remember spending Christmas in Australia and being constantly surprised, as after walking around a shopping mall, decorated with snowflake decorations while Mariah Carey warbled 'All I Want for Christmas', I'd step outside into blazing sunshine. Anyway, this post is not about the joys of the season, it's been inspired by a recent news story that really got me thinking. Now, before I go on, I do want to stress, I support all parts of our society other than those who willfully cause harm. So, it follows, however a person might identify themselves, whichever part of the LGBTQA+ community they call home, I sincerely believe they should be acknowledged and respected. Thankfully, for many of us, especially in the Western world, our freedom to openly be ourselves is supported by the law and, for the most part, wider society. In the UK, we have specific legislation which prevents hate-speak and there is, as much as is possible, extremely low tolerance for any behaviour or actions which cause anyone distress or harm. Sadly, incidents still occasionally happen when, for example, a gay couple is harassed by others, for simply walking hand in hand, but those 'others' are not representative of the vast majority of the population. Most of us just want to get through our day without causing anyone else any issues and have a trouble-free existence. But the news story I mentioned, well, it has made me wonder about rights and also got me re-assessing what being a woman actually means.

Never to be forgotten

To put it very briefly, the news article was written by a woman who had been invited to the work Christmas party and so decided to rush out to a well-known fashion store, to buy herself a top to wear. As she was shopping in her lunch break, she had limited time and so, after making her choice, she dashed into the women's changing room to try it on. As soon as she entered, she witnessed an assistant ushering in two men which understandably surprised her and so she discreetly asked an assistant what was happening. As there seemed to be some confusion, the woman left the changing room and started to look for another top. When it felt as if the situation had been sorted out, she went back into the changing room once more. By now all the cubicles were occupied, like other women, she opted to use the open area to quickly try on the top. Obviously, she remained dressed from the waist down but was briefly only wearing her bra, when suddenly she clearly heard two male voices, talking to each other from one cubicle to the next. They then emerged, clutching a selection of clothes, while the woman tried to cover herself, feeling extremely exposed. When she asked why the two men had been in the women's changing room at all, it was explained, the policy is now if men are carrying women's clothing, they should be allowed to use the women's room. It seems this act alone, carrying a bunch of garments, illustrates how they view themselves and so, this must be respected. As you can imagine, the shopper was left feeling completely bemused and not without concerns.

I have to say, I was left feeling more than slightly confused by this story and the attitude of the staff although I can completely understand why they felt, there was little they could do. But I can't help but feel, much as the rights of the two customers were being respected, what happened to the rights of the women who wanted to try on clothes away from what felt like male attention? Aside from perhaps feeling self-conscious, there could be women who would feel deeply uncomfortable for any number of personal reasons, not to mention those who follow a particular faith that prohibits any man seeing them undressed who isn't a husband. Do they have rights too? Also aside from the genuine trans community who undoubtedly should be able to access any/all appropriate facilities, what's to stop any man from simply picking up a pair of ladies' jeans and walking into a changing room, for the sole purpose of harassing the women inside? He could hang around in there without anyone being able to complain, and that just feels wrong to me. 

After much thought, I decided it came down to how the word 'woman' is defined and I am well aware, this is a positive minefield. As an example, some say gender is determined at birth and cannot be changed, I don't agree with this particular belief at all. There are just far too many people who feel, to the core of their being, they need to change and, of course, I have absolutely no right to question the validity of their feelings and I never do. Although I have not undertaken the process myself, I cannot believe it is an easy step to take, considering the amount of therapy, medication, and even surgery that has to be experienced, simply to be able to have the life you know is right for you.

However, while fully supporting people who are undergoing this process, I can't help but be concerned when it feels the rights of others are being sidelined and even forgotten completely. Only recently, I was called out for calling myself a 'mother' as it seems, to some people, this word is now inappropriate and divisive. I was bluntly informed, I should call myself a 'birthing parent' instead. Also breastfeeding is now no longer acceptable either, it should be 'chest feeder,' because the word 'breast' suggests people who were born as women, so have them naturally, and therefore excludes those who were not. There are many other examples and much as I appreciate how we all need to be mindful of each other's feelings, sometimes, it does feel as if things are going too far.

I am just old enough to remember how hard women fought for equal rights, to be paid the same as their male counterparts, to be treated equally, and for laws to be made which prevented exploitation of female staff. They campaigned hard for sexual harassment legislation, for women's refuges for those who were escaping domestic violence, and a myriad of other rights that many take for granted today. Their struggle was hard, being taken seriously was far from easy and it took guts and determination to get those laws passed and the role of women to be changed from being somehow less 'worthy' than men to being seen as a person who warrants the same respect. After such a long battle, it doesn't seem entirely fair for those hard-won rights to be simply given away. 

Unfortunately, I don't have the necessary legal expertise to find a compromise that will satisfy the needs of the whole of society. I sincerely hope one can be reached which will mean the trans community is free to enjoy the same rights and privileges as anyone else without being harassed or made to feel excluded. But I also hope, in trying to achieve that aim, no other part of society has to sacrifice their freedoms and safety. To put it simply, I honestly believe it's never a true victory if you had to stand on anyone else to achieve it.

Anyway, this post is already getting a bit too long, so I'll let you all get on with your day. You know, we truly do live in a wonderfully diverse world, don't we? If we were all the same, how singularly grey and dull it would be...ah well..until the next time..

Take care out there xx