That Old Devil called Life....
It's a strange thing, isn't it Life ? Now I have been meaning to get here for over a week, but Life definitely had other plans for me and took over and, for that, I am truly sorry - although I had little or no control over events, I still feel bad about not being here. So hopefully, you can forgive as I am sure, you've been in much the same situation - where you had plans and they all vanished !
Now, as to what happened, well, for one, I am currently dealing with a large, unyielding government agency ( thankfully I can almost hear you sighing as you know just how much fun they can be and so are now my absence is a little more understandable). I have filled in countless forms, repeating the same information over and over again...in fact I have written my 'given' name so often now, I was almost overwhelmed by the desire to make one up, just for a bit of variety - (in case you're wondering, I chose Koa Wanganui). I have also written when my children were born, which does seem to be the kind of information which is unlikely to change from page 2, where I first wrote it to page 24. but, it seems, anything can happen, so yet again, I put the date in the required box, using the obligatory black pen and capital letters throughout. Having carefully filled in all the details, including those of my sadly deceased parents, who, I had to state, were not in a position to complete their section- ( no I am not suggesting reincarnation is not possible or the potential power of the spirits of those departed, it just seemed unlikely they'd be able to write under those conditions)- I took my form to a suitably-depressing office building. The building was supposed to contain a whole plethora of staff, eager to help and answer all my enquiries with a cheerful yet knowledgable disposition. I knew this because I had seen the video on their website and they certainly looked like a jolly group. Sadly, when my appointment appeared, those happy folk must have been on holiday because I was confronted by a man with all the sunny demeanour of a Soviet prison guard with severe indigestion. He frowned at me as I approached his desk, took my passport and said nothing, preferring to look angrily at his computer screen for several minutes. He contemptuously flicked through my form, pausing only to glance suspiciously at me after each page, as if hoping I was going to break down and confess I had made the whole thing up and I was, in fact, a spy from a hostile nation. After several more angst-ridden moments ( my angst, not his obviously), he grumpily announced he had to go and 'check something' and left me. Now I should like to stress, I have done nothing illegal or even mildly wrong, so I shouldn't have been feeling remotely guilty, but standing at that desk, I felt like any moment, armed guards were going to appear and drag me off somewhere. Thankfully, Igor, ( not his name but strangely appropriate) returned, still without uttering much more than a grunt, he tossed another form at me and told me to complete it immediately. Being suitably brave, I scampered away like a frightened rabbit and started frantically scribbling all the same information which was on the first one. Owing to the number of them I have completed, this one didn't take long - a fact Igor didn't fail to notice when I hesitantly approached him. He scanned the pages, obviously unconvinced anyone was capable of writing their names that swiftly. Sadly, for Igor, he could find no errors and with all the finesse of someone wielding a jackhammer, he stamped the forms and told me I could go - for now - but I had to return again in ten days.
When I left the oppressive atmosphere, I almost instantly felt lighter, as if free once more, to roam wherever I pleased - which considering I am a law-abiding citizen, should probably be how I always feel. But, somehow, that imposing government building had briefly taken that away and considering it's function is to help and advise, didn't seem an especially good thing. While I was leaving, many anxious people were filing through the doors and confronted, as I was, by miserable -and surprisingly chubby- security guards and, in the darker recesses (otherwise known as customer service) the ominous presence of Igor and his minions were waiting. I couldn't help but smile at those worried faces, hoping they would find some comfort in seeing me leave, as if the very fact I was walking out, would show them, they could too.
So what else has kept me away ? Well, much like yourselves, the every day disasters which pepper all our lives - unexpected illness, parenting duties, trips to the supermarket, household chores - oh yes, its been a positive fiesta of good times ! You can't help but look back, sometimes, and wonder, was this the life you had hoped for when you were younger ? If you had asked 'teen-me', would the sight of seeing packs of pasta on offer make me smile ? Would I feel genuinely satisfied when I breathlessly completed the vacuuming ? Or the almost ecstasy level of pleasure I reach when a perfectly- cooked roast chicken emerges from the oven ? Obviously, my 'teen-me' would say an emphatic NO ! Although bearing in mind just how sarcastic I could be back then, it would be more of a disdainful look followed by a "Have you ever thought you should try getting a life ? " - probably accompanied by the all-too-familiar eye roll.
But, 'teen-me' would be wrong, I have got a life..in fact, I have made one and, for the most part ( aside from pointless form-filling), I usually have much to be happy about. It isn't the life I had imagined back when I was younger, but, to be honest, that one was probably never going to happen - mainly because becoming an Oscar winner, marrying Johnny Depp and single-handedly saving all creatures from extinction was somewhat ambitious. I think all our lives are 'works in progress' really, so, if we are smart, we never decide we have gone as far as we can and so stop, we have to keep going just to see how it all turns out in the end. Without sounding morbid, I hope, when I am stylishly dying on a velvet chaise-langue, I want to look back and know-without question- I wrung every last drop of everything my little life had to offer. ( Yes, perhaps that 'stylish' bit is bit hopeful, but anything is possible).
Well, that pretty much tells you what's been happening, so I hope you do forgive my absence and I will try much harder to maintain a more regular presence again...so until next time...as always....
Take care out there xx
Now, as to what happened, well, for one, I am currently dealing with a large, unyielding government agency ( thankfully I can almost hear you sighing as you know just how much fun they can be and so are now my absence is a little more understandable). I have filled in countless forms, repeating the same information over and over again...in fact I have written my 'given' name so often now, I was almost overwhelmed by the desire to make one up, just for a bit of variety - (in case you're wondering, I chose Koa Wanganui). I have also written when my children were born, which does seem to be the kind of information which is unlikely to change from page 2, where I first wrote it to page 24. but, it seems, anything can happen, so yet again, I put the date in the required box, using the obligatory black pen and capital letters throughout. Having carefully filled in all the details, including those of my sadly deceased parents, who, I had to state, were not in a position to complete their section- ( no I am not suggesting reincarnation is not possible or the potential power of the spirits of those departed, it just seemed unlikely they'd be able to write under those conditions)- I took my form to a suitably-depressing office building. The building was supposed to contain a whole plethora of staff, eager to help and answer all my enquiries with a cheerful yet knowledgable disposition. I knew this because I had seen the video on their website and they certainly looked like a jolly group. Sadly, when my appointment appeared, those happy folk must have been on holiday because I was confronted by a man with all the sunny demeanour of a Soviet prison guard with severe indigestion. He frowned at me as I approached his desk, took my passport and said nothing, preferring to look angrily at his computer screen for several minutes. He contemptuously flicked through my form, pausing only to glance suspiciously at me after each page, as if hoping I was going to break down and confess I had made the whole thing up and I was, in fact, a spy from a hostile nation. After several more angst-ridden moments ( my angst, not his obviously), he grumpily announced he had to go and 'check something' and left me. Now I should like to stress, I have done nothing illegal or even mildly wrong, so I shouldn't have been feeling remotely guilty, but standing at that desk, I felt like any moment, armed guards were going to appear and drag me off somewhere. Thankfully, Igor, ( not his name but strangely appropriate) returned, still without uttering much more than a grunt, he tossed another form at me and told me to complete it immediately. Being suitably brave, I scampered away like a frightened rabbit and started frantically scribbling all the same information which was on the first one. Owing to the number of them I have completed, this one didn't take long - a fact Igor didn't fail to notice when I hesitantly approached him. He scanned the pages, obviously unconvinced anyone was capable of writing their names that swiftly. Sadly, for Igor, he could find no errors and with all the finesse of someone wielding a jackhammer, he stamped the forms and told me I could go - for now - but I had to return again in ten days.
When I left the oppressive atmosphere, I almost instantly felt lighter, as if free once more, to roam wherever I pleased - which considering I am a law-abiding citizen, should probably be how I always feel. But, somehow, that imposing government building had briefly taken that away and considering it's function is to help and advise, didn't seem an especially good thing. While I was leaving, many anxious people were filing through the doors and confronted, as I was, by miserable -and surprisingly chubby- security guards and, in the darker recesses (otherwise known as customer service) the ominous presence of Igor and his minions were waiting. I couldn't help but smile at those worried faces, hoping they would find some comfort in seeing me leave, as if the very fact I was walking out, would show them, they could too.
So what else has kept me away ? Well, much like yourselves, the every day disasters which pepper all our lives - unexpected illness, parenting duties, trips to the supermarket, household chores - oh yes, its been a positive fiesta of good times ! You can't help but look back, sometimes, and wonder, was this the life you had hoped for when you were younger ? If you had asked 'teen-me', would the sight of seeing packs of pasta on offer make me smile ? Would I feel genuinely satisfied when I breathlessly completed the vacuuming ? Or the almost ecstasy level of pleasure I reach when a perfectly- cooked roast chicken emerges from the oven ? Obviously, my 'teen-me' would say an emphatic NO ! Although bearing in mind just how sarcastic I could be back then, it would be more of a disdainful look followed by a "Have you ever thought you should try getting a life ? " - probably accompanied by the all-too-familiar eye roll.
But, 'teen-me' would be wrong, I have got a life..in fact, I have made one and, for the most part ( aside from pointless form-filling), I usually have much to be happy about. It isn't the life I had imagined back when I was younger, but, to be honest, that one was probably never going to happen - mainly because becoming an Oscar winner, marrying Johnny Depp and single-handedly saving all creatures from extinction was somewhat ambitious. I think all our lives are 'works in progress' really, so, if we are smart, we never decide we have gone as far as we can and so stop, we have to keep going just to see how it all turns out in the end. Without sounding morbid, I hope, when I am stylishly dying on a velvet chaise-langue, I want to look back and know-without question- I wrung every last drop of everything my little life had to offer. ( Yes, perhaps that 'stylish' bit is bit hopeful, but anything is possible).
Well, that pretty much tells you what's been happening, so I hope you do forgive my absence and I will try much harder to maintain a more regular presence again...so until next time...as always....
Take care out there xx
