Which way is up ?
Well, my friends, I know it's been a while but I am still here and so I thought it was probably time to get back and tell you what's been happening...the title has probably given you a hint, that life is still no more certain than it was when I last wrote...
So as we now have a kind of home base of sorts, the next hurdle has been trying to find employment so we can experience the almost-forgotten feeling of actually having money again. I don't know how many of you have ever found yourself at some kind of government job centre, but they are not for the faint-hearted ( although undoubtedly worse for the staff !)
I went to ours only the other day, clutching my newly-typed CV, which surprisingly does bear some relation to the truth, and found myself being interviewed by someone who looked like they were barely out of school. Now, I will swiftly state for the record, I have none of those ageist issues, where it's believed anyone under the age of around 40 can have no discernible skills or talent, or offer any kind of useful advice. However, in this specific case, I had quite a sizeable problem with the employee I was given, as not only was it abundantly clear they weren't listening to me and were just reciting various options from some kind of script, they kept mentioning the fact, 'it's obviously been a long time since you were in education.' Now, as I have grown up children, unless I was married at around 11..the chances are, I have not been a schoolgirl for some time - this is not news and you don't have to have achieved some kind of qualification, to realise. Yet, there they were, shaking their heads at my lack of a certain kind of school examination result - which is hardly surprising , considering the exam they were looking for, didn't exist when I was at school. After almost half an hour of fruitless conversation, I left no wiser than when I had arrived !
As I walked back, the sun was shining which made me go a little slower and think a little more...it suddenly struck me, I had no real idea what kind of employment I would really want to do. Until this point, I had been applying for endless jobs every day, in all kinds of fields which I had decided, I had some kind of tenuous knowledge. I don't believe I am unique in being a 'jack of all trades', as like most people, I have had to turn my hand to all kinds of different things to keep money coming in...but if I had to answer, 'what would be your dream job ?' the truth is, I would have absolutely no idea. A I ambled along, the sheer weight of this thought became something of a burden, as I couldn't really believe I had got this far in life and not chased some kind of dream. Oddly enough, I have in my personal life ..... oh yes, it barely took an afternoon before I had decided to give away my life in my own country and go and start a new one in Australia...it was very easy, the person I wanted to be with was there, so I needed to be there too.
But what about the more 'professional' side of life ? If I had the chance, what would I do ? I do feel any kind of decision has been hindered, not only by the set of circumstances which have taken over i.e. homelessness..but also because I haven't really looked at myself for a long time. Only the other day, I said to a dear friend, 'when I look in the mirror, I hardly expect to see my reflection any more.'
So it follows, how can someone who doesn't even know themselves even hope to find their true calling job-wise ?
So, following my friend's advice, I sat down to write a list, of my strengths, experience and my ideal jobs...she stressed to write what I would like to do and not what I thought I should do. I have to tell you, my friends, it was hard ! I stared at my blank sheet of paper for over an hour, completely unable to write anything other than 'hide under the bedcovers.' After around an hour, my daughter wandered into the room to ask how I was doing, she was undeniably dismayed by my obvious lack of progress. Luckily, she sat down, looked thoughtful and then started to try and help me complete the list...it was painful really, more for her than me. I could see she was struggling, as she asked several worthwhile, intelligent questions, only to be met with my vague, meandering answers. However, she didn't quit on me and - at last - we had a kind of list which I sent to my friend for her thoughts.
As I started to write today, I did wonder how this has happened, after all, many people I know, seemingly knew what they wanted to be when they were still in nappies ! Most had achieved their original aims, perhaps now, they have detoured slightly to get married, have children etc..but the plan they started with, was the one they have fulfilled. When it came to their working life, they had dived right in to the Sea of Opportunities and were still swimming strongly, whereas me ? I have barely dipped a toe in the water, seemingly preferring to play in the tides instead of finding a real direction.
I would love to say, I have been waiting for some kind of 'sign from the Universe'...but that wouldn't be true at all...although obviously if one were to appear, I would be eternally grateful. I have read and re-read my list and nothing springs to mind at all as a potential career path, so maybe my only hope is to wait for divine intervention of some kind. In my defence, my time recently has been pretty much taken up with securing a safe place to be...but as I said at the beginning, that's done now ( well, for the time being), so I do know it's time to take a good look at where my life is headed - hopefully, as the title suggests, 'up' in some way.
I don't know, maybe it's an age thing too..maybe it's at this time in everyone's life where they take stock of how things are and what they want to change...otherwise what other possible explanation be of why some middle-aged men suddenly buying sports cars or Harleys, while sporting a newly-acquired head of hair....and some women start going clubbing with their teenage children because they have 'so much in common.' Not that I am judging either group, my feeling has always been, as long as you're not hurting anyone, do whatever makes you happy...but the question is still there, is it about age ?
Well, when my friend gets back to me, perhaps she will have some insight, because even though I have no clue how, I am absolutely sure...I do want my life to start heading upwards as being down all the time has been very draining.
I hope to look in that mirror and see 'me' again, I hope to feel my life is moving in a direction instead of drifting...but still, my overriding hope is to find my way home...to my real home and feel like I truly belong somewhere again....
As always, I wish you nothing but good things for your journey through life and I am so glad, we get to share the same path, every so often..until the bext time...
Take care out there xxxx
So as we now have a kind of home base of sorts, the next hurdle has been trying to find employment so we can experience the almost-forgotten feeling of actually having money again. I don't know how many of you have ever found yourself at some kind of government job centre, but they are not for the faint-hearted ( although undoubtedly worse for the staff !)
I went to ours only the other day, clutching my newly-typed CV, which surprisingly does bear some relation to the truth, and found myself being interviewed by someone who looked like they were barely out of school. Now, I will swiftly state for the record, I have none of those ageist issues, where it's believed anyone under the age of around 40 can have no discernible skills or talent, or offer any kind of useful advice. However, in this specific case, I had quite a sizeable problem with the employee I was given, as not only was it abundantly clear they weren't listening to me and were just reciting various options from some kind of script, they kept mentioning the fact, 'it's obviously been a long time since you were in education.' Now, as I have grown up children, unless I was married at around 11..the chances are, I have not been a schoolgirl for some time - this is not news and you don't have to have achieved some kind of qualification, to realise. Yet, there they were, shaking their heads at my lack of a certain kind of school examination result - which is hardly surprising , considering the exam they were looking for, didn't exist when I was at school. After almost half an hour of fruitless conversation, I left no wiser than when I had arrived !
As I walked back, the sun was shining which made me go a little slower and think a little more...it suddenly struck me, I had no real idea what kind of employment I would really want to do. Until this point, I had been applying for endless jobs every day, in all kinds of fields which I had decided, I had some kind of tenuous knowledge. I don't believe I am unique in being a 'jack of all trades', as like most people, I have had to turn my hand to all kinds of different things to keep money coming in...but if I had to answer, 'what would be your dream job ?' the truth is, I would have absolutely no idea. A I ambled along, the sheer weight of this thought became something of a burden, as I couldn't really believe I had got this far in life and not chased some kind of dream. Oddly enough, I have in my personal life ..... oh yes, it barely took an afternoon before I had decided to give away my life in my own country and go and start a new one in Australia...it was very easy, the person I wanted to be with was there, so I needed to be there too.
But what about the more 'professional' side of life ? If I had the chance, what would I do ? I do feel any kind of decision has been hindered, not only by the set of circumstances which have taken over i.e. homelessness..but also because I haven't really looked at myself for a long time. Only the other day, I said to a dear friend, 'when I look in the mirror, I hardly expect to see my reflection any more.'
So it follows, how can someone who doesn't even know themselves even hope to find their true calling job-wise ?
So, following my friend's advice, I sat down to write a list, of my strengths, experience and my ideal jobs...she stressed to write what I would like to do and not what I thought I should do. I have to tell you, my friends, it was hard ! I stared at my blank sheet of paper for over an hour, completely unable to write anything other than 'hide under the bedcovers.' After around an hour, my daughter wandered into the room to ask how I was doing, she was undeniably dismayed by my obvious lack of progress. Luckily, she sat down, looked thoughtful and then started to try and help me complete the list...it was painful really, more for her than me. I could see she was struggling, as she asked several worthwhile, intelligent questions, only to be met with my vague, meandering answers. However, she didn't quit on me and - at last - we had a kind of list which I sent to my friend for her thoughts.
As I started to write today, I did wonder how this has happened, after all, many people I know, seemingly knew what they wanted to be when they were still in nappies ! Most had achieved their original aims, perhaps now, they have detoured slightly to get married, have children etc..but the plan they started with, was the one they have fulfilled. When it came to their working life, they had dived right in to the Sea of Opportunities and were still swimming strongly, whereas me ? I have barely dipped a toe in the water, seemingly preferring to play in the tides instead of finding a real direction.
I would love to say, I have been waiting for some kind of 'sign from the Universe'...but that wouldn't be true at all...although obviously if one were to appear, I would be eternally grateful. I have read and re-read my list and nothing springs to mind at all as a potential career path, so maybe my only hope is to wait for divine intervention of some kind. In my defence, my time recently has been pretty much taken up with securing a safe place to be...but as I said at the beginning, that's done now ( well, for the time being), so I do know it's time to take a good look at where my life is headed - hopefully, as the title suggests, 'up' in some way.
I don't know, maybe it's an age thing too..maybe it's at this time in everyone's life where they take stock of how things are and what they want to change...otherwise what other possible explanation be of why some middle-aged men suddenly buying sports cars or Harleys, while sporting a newly-acquired head of hair....and some women start going clubbing with their teenage children because they have 'so much in common.' Not that I am judging either group, my feeling has always been, as long as you're not hurting anyone, do whatever makes you happy...but the question is still there, is it about age ?
Well, when my friend gets back to me, perhaps she will have some insight, because even though I have no clue how, I am absolutely sure...I do want my life to start heading upwards as being down all the time has been very draining.
I hope to look in that mirror and see 'me' again, I hope to feel my life is moving in a direction instead of drifting...but still, my overriding hope is to find my way home...to my real home and feel like I truly belong somewhere again....
As always, I wish you nothing but good things for your journey through life and I am so glad, we get to share the same path, every so often..until the bext time...
Take care out there xxxx
