To thine own self be true
Hello everyone, I hope you're all well and have begun this new week on a positive note. I was going to write a post about Valentine's Day, but, to be honest with you, I was left pretty dismayed by a lot of what I saw..let me briefly explain..
On the day itself, at around 4.30 p.m I was standing in front of a floral display and a man approached the sales assistant who was reducing the prices of the bouquets..without as much as a pause, he asked her, if the price was going to be cut any more. She was clearly a little bemused and explained, if there were still flowers at the close of business, the prices would be slashed. He smiled and said he would be back later, as he didn't want to pay the full price as he was only buying them in the first place to ' keep her happy.' When he had gone, I quickly looked at the card which accompanied the flowers, it read something like 'for my one and only love.' This moment just compounded a lot of what I saw in the run-up to the day, oversized cards, stuffed toys carrying hearts with 'I WUV U' on them...but worse still, people buying them because they felt they should. Now before you get the wrong idea, I love a little romance in my life, I like loving gestures and, of course, it's always special to know someone has made a particular effort to show how they feel,,but all of these can be done throughout the year and , for me, would mean so much more. I've just realised, for someone who began by saying they weren't going to write about Valentine's Day..I just did..oh well..
So the actual reason for this post is really about how easily we can mislead ourselves, especially when it comes to taking responsibility for our own lives, it's so much easier to blame someone else when things go wrong, isn't it ? I am sure I've written before about how we choose how we are treated by others..mainly by allowing them free rein to do pretty much what they want. So if we feel someone is being selfish or unreasonable, perhaps too often, we don't talk to them about it, we just make ourselves accept 'that's how they are' and keep our mouths shut. Obviously doing this is extremely counter-productive, as not only do we end up harbouring a whole heap of negativity but, the other person is blissfully unaware of how their actions make us feel. Speaking personally, I have often felt I don't hold a very high p;lace in the list of priorities people close to me have had..way too often, I have found myself feeling resentful and angry. Bu looking at it now, it wasn't their fault, it was mine..I don't hold a particularly lofty post on my own priority list, so it should be no surprise, I don't feature on others.
The expression 'to thine own self be true' has so many meanings, it's about ownership of your own life, it's about being honest with yourself, it's about really setting aside time for what is really important to you and not just 'going along' with everyone else. I know it's easier to avoid potential confrontations by just agreeing to anything/everything but ultimately, that's going to end in nothing but dissatisfaction. I am here to tell you, my friends, really looking at yourself is not the easiest experience because it means forcing yourself to accept the whole of you and, worse still, accepting responsibility for everything that happens to you - in the sense of how you responded. As an example, when you're angry at someone but you say nothing, then that same person does it again only worse, again you say nothing..finally they make a habit out of hurting you, by which time, you've convinced yourself you don't deserve any better. If you were being true to yourself, you would care as much for your own emotions as you do others, so when you got hurt, you'd stand up for yourself and say 'no more.'
Like most of you, I want to be a good person, I want to be kind and caring, I want to really have understanding and be capable of genuine compassion - I try, I really do...but only with those around me. How is it easier somehow ? To come to the conclusion, others are so much more deserving than you. I know I am writing this today because I've finally reached that 'look in the mirror' moment and make a conscious decision to be more accepting of myself. It's going to be difficult because it will mean not being able to blame others for what's gone wrong in my own life, yes, they played a part, but it was how bigger role I gave them, which is the issue. I know I will also have to be less critical of myself, to see the good as well as the bad...and that's very tough too. I am absurdly uncomfortable about accepting any kind of compliment, so to praise myself is not going to be an easy thing to do. But if I am going to really be true to myself, these and other things have to be done, in order for me to move forward, Like most of you, my life has not been an easy ride, even if I get through this process, I doubt whether it will always be sunshine and lollipops. I think what I'm hoping, is if I can really be this 'harsh' on myself now, I will emerge as the 'real' me and be confident enough to show that to the world.
Life is a journey, right ? I feel this particular phase is one I should have done years ago, but better late than never....
Oh and before I go, thank you to those who have been in touch with the progress of my new novel, it's going well and I promise I will give you more of an update soon...
So as always, let me end by wishing you all well, apologies if this post doesn't really make too much sense, I'm kind of in the eye of an emotional storm, at the moment, but hopefully,a few days of introspection will shed some light...until then...
Take care out there xx
On the day itself, at around 4.30 p.m I was standing in front of a floral display and a man approached the sales assistant who was reducing the prices of the bouquets..without as much as a pause, he asked her, if the price was going to be cut any more. She was clearly a little bemused and explained, if there were still flowers at the close of business, the prices would be slashed. He smiled and said he would be back later, as he didn't want to pay the full price as he was only buying them in the first place to ' keep her happy.' When he had gone, I quickly looked at the card which accompanied the flowers, it read something like 'for my one and only love.' This moment just compounded a lot of what I saw in the run-up to the day, oversized cards, stuffed toys carrying hearts with 'I WUV U' on them...but worse still, people buying them because they felt they should. Now before you get the wrong idea, I love a little romance in my life, I like loving gestures and, of course, it's always special to know someone has made a particular effort to show how they feel,,but all of these can be done throughout the year and , for me, would mean so much more. I've just realised, for someone who began by saying they weren't going to write about Valentine's Day..I just did..oh well..
So the actual reason for this post is really about how easily we can mislead ourselves, especially when it comes to taking responsibility for our own lives, it's so much easier to blame someone else when things go wrong, isn't it ? I am sure I've written before about how we choose how we are treated by others..mainly by allowing them free rein to do pretty much what they want. So if we feel someone is being selfish or unreasonable, perhaps too often, we don't talk to them about it, we just make ourselves accept 'that's how they are' and keep our mouths shut. Obviously doing this is extremely counter-productive, as not only do we end up harbouring a whole heap of negativity but, the other person is blissfully unaware of how their actions make us feel. Speaking personally, I have often felt I don't hold a very high p;lace in the list of priorities people close to me have had..way too often, I have found myself feeling resentful and angry. Bu looking at it now, it wasn't their fault, it was mine..I don't hold a particularly lofty post on my own priority list, so it should be no surprise, I don't feature on others.
Like most of you, I want to be a good person, I want to be kind and caring, I want to really have understanding and be capable of genuine compassion - I try, I really do...but only with those around me. How is it easier somehow ? To come to the conclusion, others are so much more deserving than you. I know I am writing this today because I've finally reached that 'look in the mirror' moment and make a conscious decision to be more accepting of myself. It's going to be difficult because it will mean not being able to blame others for what's gone wrong in my own life, yes, they played a part, but it was how bigger role I gave them, which is the issue. I know I will also have to be less critical of myself, to see the good as well as the bad...and that's very tough too. I am absurdly uncomfortable about accepting any kind of compliment, so to praise myself is not going to be an easy thing to do. But if I am going to really be true to myself, these and other things have to be done, in order for me to move forward, Like most of you, my life has not been an easy ride, even if I get through this process, I doubt whether it will always be sunshine and lollipops. I think what I'm hoping, is if I can really be this 'harsh' on myself now, I will emerge as the 'real' me and be confident enough to show that to the world.
Life is a journey, right ? I feel this particular phase is one I should have done years ago, but better late than never....
Oh and before I go, thank you to those who have been in touch with the progress of my new novel, it's going well and I promise I will give you more of an update soon...
So as always, let me end by wishing you all well, apologies if this post doesn't really make too much sense, I'm kind of in the eye of an emotional storm, at the moment, but hopefully,a few days of introspection will shed some light...until then...
Take care out there xx
