The Way We Were
Well, its been quite a time, my friends..I hope your recent days have been good for you and hopefully not filled with too much stress. I feel a bit like one of those talent show contestants who say 'it's all been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster'...because this past couple of weeks could certainly live up to that billing !
It began when I released my latest novel, to be honest with you, bearing in mind the subject matter was a long way from the 'Within' series, I don't know if I had total faith in its possible success. But luckily for me, it has done well, in truth, it's done more than I could have believed was possible, which is both wonderful and slightly unnerving at the same time. You know that expression, 'be careful what you wish for' ? Well, there have been moments when I have known exactly what that means. As I know I've mentioned in previous posts, I don't have any great ambition to be 'famous', I would much prefer a degree of anonymity with hopefully some earned respect. But this success, has meant dealing with being 'out there' and I am here to tell you, it's not an easy place to be. I've never really been asked about my writing before, so it's been quite a steep learning curve to have to think of vaguely intelligent answers to why I've written the stories I have and what motivates me.
So last week, I was working at my usual job, while dealing with this new side of life and I don't mind admitting, it's a very weird combination - but no bad thing as one side certainly compliments the other.
Anyway, this week was supposed to be a holiday away from my 'normal' work, so I had time to get on with my new 'writers'' life - as you can probably guess, this has not gone entirely to plan...the demands placed on forging a new career are nowhere near as simple as those montage scenes in movies would lead you to believe - you know the ones which last about two minutes and take the lead character from the back of the chorus to standing alone in the spotlight. Thankfully, I have been massively supported by those around me, so it's very unlikely I shall suddenly become too big-headed, mainly because, only today, I was wandering around the supermarket, trying to decide what to get for dinner which is something Madonna almost never does..hahahaha
One of the high points of this week was a trip to a local beauty spot which I haven't visited in many years. As I walked through the gates into the most stunning gardens, a flood of memories threatened to sweep me away, as I had spent so many afternoons there in the past - especially when my daughters were young. As I wandered through the lush trees, fragrant rose bushes and stunning plants, I could almost feel those relatives who have passed on, walking alongside me. I couldn't help but wonder what they would think of me now, a published author ! When, all those years ago, when we walked together, I was a young mum who sought out parenting advice from those I knew so much more than I did. As I sat down on a bench, the total peace of the place seemed to seep into my soul, which I know sounds vaguely ridiculous, but it's true ! All the recent stresses and strains, worries and concerns seemed to just be taken away on the warm Summer breeze and I was left with just an
amazing feeling of calm.
I have to admit, I am not generally a calm person, despite really quite extensive effort, I still frequently give in to frustrations, irritations and even downright anger ! I really do try not to let negative feelings take hold, but sometimes, that's easier said than done - especially when I feel hurt by someone close. But for those few moments, sitting on that bench, the sun beaming down through the lush green canopy of the surrounding trees with only the birdsong for company, well,even the
worst of my 'dark side' could find nowhere to take hold.
As I sat there, I thought back to that young mum, I hoped she would be proud of how far we had come and what adventures might still be waiting for us in the future. Back then, I was pretty fearless really, filled with that confidence you only really have when you have no real idea what you're doing...the years between then and now have shown me - too many times - misplaced confidence is no substitute for real strength when times are hard. As regular readers know, there have been some tough old times, like most of you, life has not exactly smiled but then maybe we have to experience the lows to genuinely love every moment of the highs.
I will be going back to the gardens, the memories they invoke are what I need, at the moment, feeling close to those who have passed on and also remembering who I was...especially as I now seem on be on the brink of a new kind of life.
I know so many of us are facing all kinds of challenges, I wish I could help, but even though I can't do much practically, I would suggest going to somewhere which has true significance for yourself...somewhere which doesn't provoke sadness but hope..it really helped me...that's all I can say.
Well, the world is knocking at the door so, as always, until the next time...
Take care out there xxx
It began when I released my latest novel, to be honest with you, bearing in mind the subject matter was a long way from the 'Within' series, I don't know if I had total faith in its possible success. But luckily for me, it has done well, in truth, it's done more than I could have believed was possible, which is both wonderful and slightly unnerving at the same time. You know that expression, 'be careful what you wish for' ? Well, there have been moments when I have known exactly what that means. As I know I've mentioned in previous posts, I don't have any great ambition to be 'famous', I would much prefer a degree of anonymity with hopefully some earned respect. But this success, has meant dealing with being 'out there' and I am here to tell you, it's not an easy place to be. I've never really been asked about my writing before, so it's been quite a steep learning curve to have to think of vaguely intelligent answers to why I've written the stories I have and what motivates me.
So last week, I was working at my usual job, while dealing with this new side of life and I don't mind admitting, it's a very weird combination - but no bad thing as one side certainly compliments the other.
Anyway, this week was supposed to be a holiday away from my 'normal' work, so I had time to get on with my new 'writers'' life - as you can probably guess, this has not gone entirely to plan...the demands placed on forging a new career are nowhere near as simple as those montage scenes in movies would lead you to believe - you know the ones which last about two minutes and take the lead character from the back of the chorus to standing alone in the spotlight. Thankfully, I have been massively supported by those around me, so it's very unlikely I shall suddenly become too big-headed, mainly because, only today, I was wandering around the supermarket, trying to decide what to get for dinner which is something Madonna almost never does..hahahaha
One of the high points of this week was a trip to a local beauty spot which I haven't visited in many years. As I walked through the gates into the most stunning gardens, a flood of memories threatened to sweep me away, as I had spent so many afternoons there in the past - especially when my daughters were young. As I wandered through the lush trees, fragrant rose bushes and stunning plants, I could almost feel those relatives who have passed on, walking alongside me. I couldn't help but wonder what they would think of me now, a published author ! When, all those years ago, when we walked together, I was a young mum who sought out parenting advice from those I knew so much more than I did. As I sat down on a bench, the total peace of the place seemed to seep into my soul, which I know sounds vaguely ridiculous, but it's true ! All the recent stresses and strains, worries and concerns seemed to just be taken away on the warm Summer breeze and I was left with just an
amazing feeling of calm.
worst of my 'dark side' could find nowhere to take hold.
As I sat there, I thought back to that young mum, I hoped she would be proud of how far we had come and what adventures might still be waiting for us in the future. Back then, I was pretty fearless really, filled with that confidence you only really have when you have no real idea what you're doing...the years between then and now have shown me - too many times - misplaced confidence is no substitute for real strength when times are hard. As regular readers know, there have been some tough old times, like most of you, life has not exactly smiled but then maybe we have to experience the lows to genuinely love every moment of the highs.
I know so many of us are facing all kinds of challenges, I wish I could help, but even though I can't do much practically, I would suggest going to somewhere which has true significance for yourself...somewhere which doesn't provoke sadness but hope..it really helped me...that's all I can say.
Well, the world is knocking at the door so, as always, until the next time...
Take care out there xxx
