Being out in the world

Well, my friends, here we are again, I hope this post finds you well and ready to enjoy the weekend. Although, if you're like me, work doesn't stop because it's Friday, so if you are heading out, I hope your shift goes swiftly and smoothly. As some of you might know, I've just released a new book, so my thoughts and emotions are out there - for everyone to read ! This is quite an intimidating thought, after all, I'm allowing complete strangers into my mind and, once they've visited, they are free to write a review - even publish one ! So, in turn, the world gets a glimpse into their mind too. After all, if they write a horribly abusive piece, others who read their words are going to see them in a different light. But equally, if they hail the book a 'work of genius', others might well suspect the reviewer is either sleeping with the author or hopes too ! So putting yourself in the public gaze could be said to have some similarities to willingly going into the firing line.

My book is about the world really, how we see ourselves within it and, in the case of my central character, how we are seen. We all perhaps dream we could be one of those people who genuinely doesn't care about what people think, many say that's what they're like, but I do wonder. Obviously, when you put something creative out there, you have to know, not everyone is going to like it, in fact, there's the distinct possibility, they will hate it - but, if it's important to you, you do it anyway. But it's safe - even when it gets criticised, you're not left feeling personally demeaned or attacked, as you have to accept the basic fact, you just can't please everyone, all the time.

Hopefully not the reaction to my new book !
I do feel, it's a very different situation when people put themselves into the public domain, by posting endless selfies, sharing every detail of their day-to-day lives and all their thoughts and beliefs. Of course, I feel very strongly, they have every right to share whatever they wish, but I do worry about them. There have been many cases where people have suffered quite severe mental anguish, some even driven to suicide, because of the cruelty of so-called 'trolls.' These are people who spend their days, being horribly abusive to those who share their lives online - they criticise to a level way beyond any decent person would ever dream about. As I researched my book, I was horrified to read some cases, as an example, a lady posted a picture of herself when pregnant, she received several absolutely awful messages ranging from how 'fat and disgusting' she was, to 'she was so ugly, she should have an abortion because her baby could be even worse.' I should add, the lady also received a tide of compliments and loving support - and rightly so !

But you have to wonder, what kind of person would write something so awful to a pregnant woman, or in fact anyone ? Who would be quite so keen to show just how horrible they are ? It seems their argument stems from their misguided belief 'it doesn't count online.' Have you ever heard a weaker or more pathetic excuse for bullying ? No? Me neither. They will go on to explain, 'it's only a bit of fun' and their victims can 'always delete the comment.' For me, only the second statement is true, but even when those words are removed, they have been read and their impact has been felt - and those cannot be deleted. Now I am the first to admit, I am no saint, I can be less than pleasant at times, but to intentionally hurt someone, without a grain of concern as to how they might be affected, is something I would never do. Sadly, like all of you, I have hurt people, I've said the wrong thing or done something tactless, but I have never bullied anyone. I cannot imagine what kind of life a 'troll' must lead, after all, to wake up every morning with the sole purpose of attempting to bring people down - very often complete strangers- it must be a pretty soulless way to live a life.


I really do feel Disney's Thumper had it partly right when he said, 'if you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all'. I say partly right because as someone who puts their work in the public domain, I should receive criticism, if it's constructive, it is truly very helpful. I want to improve with every book and to hear readers' opinions is incredibly valuable. But, for me, that's a world away from being an abusive bully. So far, I have been extremely fortunate, it's true, I have received comments and messages from people who have completely disagreed with a blog post. They have written - sometimes very long- letters to me about how misguided or simplistic they feel I am. Do you know something ? I am fine with hearing their viewpoint, in fact, I welcome it, as it does make me reconsider my own thoughts on a given subject. On the down side, I have also received some pretty abusive things too, but these have all been from people with very extremist views, ranging from rampant homophobia to blatant racism.So, of course, I was absolutely horrified to read their beliefs, but I have to acknowledge, I did not feel personally bullied by reading them. I believe, there is no place for their kind of ideology in our world, but if they want to express their opinion, I suppose, if we want free speech, we have to accept what some say, might not be what we want to hear.

Finally, I think if nothing else comes from writing this book, it has made me think about how we treat each other. As I said earlier, just because something is said online, doesn't mean its impact is any less than if it was said face-to-face. Although I suspect most of these trolls are way too cowardly to actually say anything at all, if they were in the same room as their victim. We do have to try and be mindful of our words so even if we disagree with an opinion, we don't resort to personal insults in the place of sensible debate. We will never all agree on everything, but we are all capable of respecting each other and that's something there can be no debate about.....until next time..


Take care out there xx

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