A Day to Look Forward
Well, here we are again, I am sorry it's been a while since I've been able to write to you but, as often happens, life has a way of getting in the way. Anyway, if you're mad at me for being absent, you'll have to put that feeling to one side as today is my birthday ! Yes, somehow despite all the odds, I have reached another one, although, before you ask, I have absolutely no intention of revealing just how many there have been - mainly because some days I wake up and feel about 23 and others I crawl out of bed feeling 90. For me, age is all about how you feel and not how many years you've lived, after all, I think we've all met people who defy the conventions of their age. I have personally known, teenagers who talk of nothing but their aches and pains, while, at the other end of the scale, I've known people in their 70's who could hop, skip and jump with more vitality than the average child. In my 20's, I made the mistake of thinking I could out-party one of my aunts, who was, by then, in her 50's - perhaps it's enough to say, she outplayed me completely, leaving me a wreck as she dominated the dancefloor.
As my daughters could tell you, my birthdays are not known for being especially 'lucky' times, over the years, they have often been blighted by illness, accident or just plain bad luck. I have to confess, today is living up to the legacy, as I am sitting here, wrapped in a blanket with a streaming cold. But do feel sorry for myself? Hell yeah ! But will my spirit be crushed by this small setback ? Hell No! As it happens, my current state has given me some time for reflection, after all, this passing year has been anything but dull. Aside from many other events, I have released two novels which have thankfully been relatively well-received and I can now truthfully state I am a professional author. It's true, the royalties I receive will not buy me a luxury apartment or a sports car, but the fact they exist at all, is a step forward. As regular readers will know, I am very keen on stepping forward, even if the step is a tiny one - it beats standing still! I am also on the brink of possibly moving forward in another way too, I cannot say too much at the moment, but, there is a potential breakthrough on the horizon which could change everything - so that's exciting. So even though, there are still challenges to face, life is really not so bad - which is not easy to say when you're typing between wheezing !
When I look back, which is not something I like doing too often, I can see just how blessed I have been - even though on the face of it, there have been some impossibly hard times, much like all of your lives. I have dealt with loss, bereavement, periods of great financial hardship and crippling self-doubt, all of which have left their mark. But I do not believe myself to be especially resilient or strong, I have just always tried to maintain the thought, however bad something is, it won't last forever, so you just have to keep going. I will freely admit, this idea has not been easy to accept when things have seemed to be impossible - oh yes, I have had days when it felt as if it was too hard to keep going. Those are dark days and I know many people suffer in the same way, it's draining to feel life is hopeless, as if your life will never change and the prospect of even waking up the next morning, fills you with dread. Sadly, some of us will always have those times in our lives, but, the one glimmer of hope, at least in my case, is they become slightly easier to predict and so you can prepare for the worst. It's a bit like when a storm is coming, you can feel the change in the air, see the dark clouds forming over your head and the onset of the rain. I have never found a way to avoid them completely but I consciously try to not allow myself to slide too far down, as I know from experience, how hard it is to clamber back up once the 'storm' has passed. But even though there is no real cure, if nothing else, I can say, if you can hold on, the sun will reappear eventually - perhaps not as bright as you would like, but it will come.
But on a lighter note, what else springs to my addled mind on this day of days ? Well, obviously one of the key roles I have played is being a mother - with varying degrees of success. I know, for both of my daughters, there have been days when they would say I did not do the best job - in fact, I failed dismally and they would not be wrong. I look back and wonder what I was thinking, but at the time, I must have misguidedly decided I was doing the right thing. But equally, I would hope there are times when they look back and think I was the best I could be for them. If nothing else, they can never doubt, I loved them more than anyone else I have ever known - I still do and I always will. When I think of them as they are, grown women, I know its been a rare privilege to watch them develop from those tiny babies to unstoppable forces of nature. They are not alike in many ways, but they have some shared characteristics which I believe will get them through life - they're opinionated, strong, with good hearts and a quirky sense of humour which might sometimes escape others, but never fails to entertain themselves. It saddens me when I hear people say they don't like spending time with their children, in fact, make a concerted effort to do as little as possible with them. It feels as if those parents do not know how unbelievably fortunate they are, to be a part in shaping a life is a gift to be appreciated.
While on the topic of appreciation, I cannot write a piece about my birthday without mentioning my extended family, sadly, most of whom have since passed on. They were a huge influence on my life, their seemingly boundless humour and blunt refusal to allow anything to beat them has undoubtedly been a cornerstone of my own approach to life. When many of them were facing serious illness, they still had the glow of mischief and, given even half a chance, would gleefully defy doctor's orders and do something they should not have done - be that drinking a huge glass of wine or demolishing a rich dessert. Just being in their company lifted your spirits and I never take for granted, just how lucky I was to have been a spectator as they showed how life should be lived.
So with acknowledging the past, what about the future? Well, as I said earlier, there are potentially new opportunities opening up for me within my writing world and they will be my focus, dreams can come true, but only if you take the right steps to make them possible - a bit like leaving the window open, after all, if you keep everything tightly shut, there's no way for anything to get in. Obviously, owing to my current state, I am also going to be a bit more mindful about my health - not in an obsessive way but perhaps be slightly kinder to my body and give it a few more things it needs to function. But most importantly, I am going to keep moving forward - yes, there will be times when it will be at the pace of the average snail - but forward is the only way to go. As the saying goes, 'its ok to look back at the past as long as you don't live in it.'
As tradition dictates, I will leave you with my birthday wishes for you all, I hope you find reasons to smile, I hope you find the courage to face difficult days, I hope you remember to keep those dreams safe with a belief they could happen. But most of all, I hope you manage to keep your heads up even when it feels easier to look down because then, when you can see the way forward, you won't feel as if you will always be stuck in one place. I am sending birthday love and good wishes to all of you, thank you for sharing this year with me and let's make the next one even better...until the next time...
Take care out there xxxx
As my daughters could tell you, my birthdays are not known for being especially 'lucky' times, over the years, they have often been blighted by illness, accident or just plain bad luck. I have to confess, today is living up to the legacy, as I am sitting here, wrapped in a blanket with a streaming cold. But do feel sorry for myself? Hell yeah ! But will my spirit be crushed by this small setback ? Hell No! As it happens, my current state has given me some time for reflection, after all, this passing year has been anything but dull. Aside from many other events, I have released two novels which have thankfully been relatively well-received and I can now truthfully state I am a professional author. It's true, the royalties I receive will not buy me a luxury apartment or a sports car, but the fact they exist at all, is a step forward. As regular readers will know, I am very keen on stepping forward, even if the step is a tiny one - it beats standing still! I am also on the brink of possibly moving forward in another way too, I cannot say too much at the moment, but, there is a potential breakthrough on the horizon which could change everything - so that's exciting. So even though, there are still challenges to face, life is really not so bad - which is not easy to say when you're typing between wheezing !When I look back, which is not something I like doing too often, I can see just how blessed I have been - even though on the face of it, there have been some impossibly hard times, much like all of your lives. I have dealt with loss, bereavement, periods of great financial hardship and crippling self-doubt, all of which have left their mark. But I do not believe myself to be especially resilient or strong, I have just always tried to maintain the thought, however bad something is, it won't last forever, so you just have to keep going. I will freely admit, this idea has not been easy to accept when things have seemed to be impossible - oh yes, I have had days when it felt as if it was too hard to keep going. Those are dark days and I know many people suffer in the same way, it's draining to feel life is hopeless, as if your life will never change and the prospect of even waking up the next morning, fills you with dread. Sadly, some of us will always have those times in our lives, but, the one glimmer of hope, at least in my case, is they become slightly easier to predict and so you can prepare for the worst. It's a bit like when a storm is coming, you can feel the change in the air, see the dark clouds forming over your head and the onset of the rain. I have never found a way to avoid them completely but I consciously try to not allow myself to slide too far down, as I know from experience, how hard it is to clamber back up once the 'storm' has passed. But even though there is no real cure, if nothing else, I can say, if you can hold on, the sun will reappear eventually - perhaps not as bright as you would like, but it will come.
But on a lighter note, what else springs to my addled mind on this day of days ? Well, obviously one of the key roles I have played is being a mother - with varying degrees of success. I know, for both of my daughters, there have been days when they would say I did not do the best job - in fact, I failed dismally and they would not be wrong. I look back and wonder what I was thinking, but at the time, I must have misguidedly decided I was doing the right thing. But equally, I would hope there are times when they look back and think I was the best I could be for them. If nothing else, they can never doubt, I loved them more than anyone else I have ever known - I still do and I always will. When I think of them as they are, grown women, I know its been a rare privilege to watch them develop from those tiny babies to unstoppable forces of nature. They are not alike in many ways, but they have some shared characteristics which I believe will get them through life - they're opinionated, strong, with good hearts and a quirky sense of humour which might sometimes escape others, but never fails to entertain themselves. It saddens me when I hear people say they don't like spending time with their children, in fact, make a concerted effort to do as little as possible with them. It feels as if those parents do not know how unbelievably fortunate they are, to be a part in shaping a life is a gift to be appreciated.
While on the topic of appreciation, I cannot write a piece about my birthday without mentioning my extended family, sadly, most of whom have since passed on. They were a huge influence on my life, their seemingly boundless humour and blunt refusal to allow anything to beat them has undoubtedly been a cornerstone of my own approach to life. When many of them were facing serious illness, they still had the glow of mischief and, given even half a chance, would gleefully defy doctor's orders and do something they should not have done - be that drinking a huge glass of wine or demolishing a rich dessert. Just being in their company lifted your spirits and I never take for granted, just how lucky I was to have been a spectator as they showed how life should be lived.
So with acknowledging the past, what about the future? Well, as I said earlier, there are potentially new opportunities opening up for me within my writing world and they will be my focus, dreams can come true, but only if you take the right steps to make them possible - a bit like leaving the window open, after all, if you keep everything tightly shut, there's no way for anything to get in. Obviously, owing to my current state, I am also going to be a bit more mindful about my health - not in an obsessive way but perhaps be slightly kinder to my body and give it a few more things it needs to function. But most importantly, I am going to keep moving forward - yes, there will be times when it will be at the pace of the average snail - but forward is the only way to go. As the saying goes, 'its ok to look back at the past as long as you don't live in it.'
As tradition dictates, I will leave you with my birthday wishes for you all, I hope you find reasons to smile, I hope you find the courage to face difficult days, I hope you remember to keep those dreams safe with a belief they could happen. But most of all, I hope you manage to keep your heads up even when it feels easier to look down because then, when you can see the way forward, you won't feel as if you will always be stuck in one place. I am sending birthday love and good wishes to all of you, thank you for sharing this year with me and let's make the next one even better...until the next time...
Take care out there xxxx
