For All Good Men

Hello Everyone, I am sorry I haven't been able to write for a while, unfortunately an unexpected health issue happened and I had to devote my energy to adapting to new medications and approach to life in general. But thankfully, I am now in a routine and so I can get back to a slightly more 'normal life.' Before I get to the main topic of this particular post, I think most of us were saddened to hear of the passing of Prince Philip. Whatever feelings people may have about having a monarchy, the family have lost a very dear member and I think you'd have to be pretty heartless not to feel sympathy for them at this time. My thoughts are especially for the Queen, to find yourself without your partner of over 70 years must be unbearably sad and we can only hope she finds comfort in her strong faith and loving family. Yes, we all know they have had their share of dramas in recent times, but hopefully, all of those disagreements can be put aside and they can just come together. On UK television, as probably many other nations, the schedules have been dominated by documentaries about Philip's life and achievements, all of which were impressive but, for me, it was the more personal memories which resonated the most. To learn that behind the sometimes gruff exterior, was a deeply caring man who was fiercely loyal and was known to be a strong support to those he cared most about. For me, these are qualities shared by many men across the world, but in recent weeks, I have started to wonder if I am in a minority when it comes to having such a positive opinion.

After the tragic murder of Sarah Everard, the questions about women's safety have been brought firmly into the spotlight which, in turn, has raised further concerns about how men treat women in every day life. I'm sure, you were all as shocked as me, when it became increasingly clear, the level of sexual harassment which occurs in schools, colleges etc. There were so many stories of girls feeling deeply uncomfortable on a daily basis, having to put up with some of the boys, physically and verbally assaulting them. It goes without saying, the schools should be taking a far harder line with disciplining the offenders instead of trotting out the age-old excuse 'boys will be boys.' I don't doubt there is a degree of peer pressure when it comes to wanting to be 'one of the lads' and so things are said and done which, in any other situation, wouldn't even be considered, if the boy was alone. I'm not making any excuses for awful behaviour, however, I can see how it might happen especially when most young men, don't really seem to fully understand just how harmful words and actions can be, when directed at a woman who can feel intensely vulnerable. I do feel education, in both the school, but even more, the home environment, is crucial in changing some attitudes. I do want to emphasise, just how vital I believe what's witnessed within the family, can be such an influence. As boys grow up, seeing fathers, uncles, partners etc behaving in a respectful, kind and caring way towards the women they encounter - it's this very example which will shape their own behaviour. As I said before, I genuinely believe, most men are good people and yet sadly, their positive roles within our community are being overshadowed by the voices decrying them all as 'the enemy.' I was horrified when I read of one school principal, who made all the boys stand up in a school assembly and apologise for being male! Now, I admit, this is one of the more extreme events but the mindset of demonising all men, is becoming far more widespread.

Obviously, there are awful men, I have met far too many in my own life, who are nothing less than offensive in what they say and do - I have been 'treated' to blatantly sexist comments and had to fight off groping hands more than I care to remember. There are also those men who basically consider women as some kind of prey, as something to be hunted and dominated for their own pleasure. I don't doubt we have all met men who will openly boast about their sexual conquests as if they were talking about their football goal scoring record. As you listen, you quickly become aware, they can remember everything about the alleged 'encounter' - especially their apparently legendary sexual prowess- but if you ask about any conversation they might have had with the woman involved, they are left speechless. Unfortunately, it's these men who give the vast majority a very bad name, instead of singling out the worst, it's become too easy to decide 'all men are the same.'

Speaking from my own experience, I know this is fundamentally untrue, I have met many men who have extraordinary qualities, who love their families, who have a boundless capacity for loyalty, humour and a core of strongly held beliefs. Just having had a few conversations, as an example, I have been touched by just how many men are eager to understand more about what it is to feel vulnerable when a woman is out alone at night.

For many, they had no idea just how unnerved a woman can feel when she realises there's a lone male behind her when she's walking home. When it was explained, without exception, every man said he would try and be infinitely more mindful in the future. Whether it would be to cross the street to distance himself or simply just be more aware of how his entirely innocent presence, can make a woman feel anxious. I think it's that willingness to understand, the willingness to change behaviour which maintains my faith in men.

Finally, I don't believe treating men as the enemy is helpful or productive in creating a safe society, it's far better to include them in the discussion and we all work together to make our communities better for everyone. I honestly feel, it's possible for the good men in the world to drown out the bad who drag them down, mainly because I believe, there are so many more who want to be a positive influence in the world and help create a better environment. 

Anyway, until the next time...as always...

Take care out there xx