Mothers and Sons

Hello Everyone, I hope the week has been good for you and you're all managing to stay safe and well. Before I get into the main topic of today's post, I'd also like to add, I hope you were able to catch a glimpse of the partial lunar eclipse. I know it very much depends on your location as to how much or how little you were able to see, but it's an extraordinary occurrence and I guess only time will tell if it really does have any of the effects the astrologers have predicted.

But my main subject is really about a very recent event here on earth which has left me with far more questions than answers. I don't know if you have seen the news story about the trial of Christopher Belter, who between the years of 2017-2018, raped four different girls, three were 16 years old at the time and the other was 15. He was found guilty with the judge saying,

"There was great harm. There were multiple crimes committed in this case.It seems to me that a sentence that involves incarceration or partial incarceration isn't appropriate."

Now, with the greatest respect, I should like you to take a moment to read that sentence again because, to be honest with you, I must have re-read it several times owing to the complete disbelief I felt when I saw it for the first time. After all, he is referring to an offender who said to one victim,

"Don't be such a baby, if you stop resisting, it won't hurt so much."

Now, granted, it seems Christopher will have to register as a sex offender and be on probation for eight years, but he can also have a full-time job and move on with his life without serving a day in jail. Now, this case took place in New York where Christopher, who is white, lives in an upscale neighbourhoood and is privileged. I think it's safe to say, if a man of colour had committed the same crimes, he would not have received such a lenient sentence. But I don't want to focus on the blatant inequality of how it appears, your treatment by the judicial system can be governed by the colour of your skin or the amount of money in your bank account.

Instead, I want to focus on Christopher's parents, the two people who have shaped this young man into the person he is today, a serial sex offender. I have to admit, had their son gone out in the dead of night, stalking his victims, it might be possible to believe they had no idea of what he was doing, (I use the word 'might' advisedly). But the police investigation discovered, these offences happened at their home which was widely known as 'the party house', where they allegedly supplied their son's underage guests with alcohol and marijuana. Now as adults, it's fair to assume, they knew what effects these can have on anyone, let alone a bunch of teenagers!  Also throughout the trial, they have made absolutely no statement regarding their son's appalling treatment of these girls who were, at the time, in their home so ostensibly, in their care.

I have to wonder how they can move on, knowing they have raised such a person as their son. Are they really capable of completely blocking out just how heinous his crimes were? Will they ever be able to look at him with even the slightest degree of pride? Moreover, are they able to look at themselves and seriously believe, none of what happened was their fault? Is there even the slightest hope, they might look back and wonder if they taught him even the most basic lessons of treating everyone with care and respect, particularly women? Sadly, I don't believe so, it was apparent, all they felt was relief, as their son walked out of a courtroom, a free man. While his victims were left throwing up in the bathroom, after enduring the ordeal of a trial only to see him go unpunished. What message is this sending out to other young men? As long as you're white and privileged, you can get away with anything, after all, 'boys will be boys.'

Having thought about this case, I honestly believe, if this attitude is ever going to change, it must begin in the home. Boys have to be raised as decent, respectful people who understand women have every right to be treated as actual people and not as objects which can be picked up, used, and thrown away. I can almost hear mothers saying, 'oh but my son would never be like that' - but this response ignores the fact, some sons can be exactly like that! So burying your head in the sand should never be an option. After all, you're not there when they go out with their friends, you have no real clue what they do or say, whether or not they drink to excess. When I listen to some mothers speak about their sons, it's as if they still see them as their 'precious little boys' and not the men they have become. Obviously, if the right lessons have not been taught, those men go out into the world with scant regard for anyone, especially women.

During the aftermath of the tragic murder of Sarah Everard, here in the UK, countless men came out and stated they would never do anything like that. At first, it's heartening to read, yet when you think about it, all they're saying is, they wouldn't rape and brutally kill an innocent woman, are we supposed to be impressed? Or worse still, grateful in some way?

Now, I should like to state here, I am not anti-men at all, in fact, I have very often become involved in heated debates when I have said, I believe making men the enemy is completely counterproductive when it comes to women's safety, far better to have them onside and working alongside us to create a better society for everyone. But we need parents-especially mothers- to raise boys who want to be part of the solution, not add to the problem. After all, if Christopher's parents had been responsible adults instead of perhaps wanting to be the 'cool ones', those four young girls would not have suffered such a horrific experience that will affect the rest of their lives. 

Finally, I know there may be some who read this, who will think I only feel so strongly because not only am I obviously a woman, but I'm also the mother of two daughters. As an answer, you're not wrong, but I would argue, surely we all want to live in a world where men and women can co-exist with mutual respect, care, and understanding- regardless of whether we are parents or not. It would ultimately benefit us all if while in the company of men, women weren't checking to see if their drink had been spiked or if they were being followed home or being worried if they say no to sex, they won't be heard. As I said, I honestly believe, attitudes are formed within the home, it's too easy to blame society or video games or song lyrics for poor behaviour. It's what parents say to their children, it's how every issue in life is discussed within the family and it's being role models, so when those kids go out into the world as adults, they add something amazing instead of leaving an indelible stain.

As I'm sure you agree, our thoughts must be with Christopher's victims at this time, as I say to you all,

Take care out there xxx