Say it Now or Risk Never saying it at All

Hello Everyone, I hope you're all doing well and looking forward to another week. I think most of you know why I haven't been here until now, it felt disrespectful to be posting during the ten-day period of mourning in honour of Queen Elizabeth. Whatever your personal feelings regarding the monarchy, I don't think many people could fail to be moved by all the ceremonies that have taken place. Speaking only for myself, I think the Royal Family behaved impeccably under what must have been near-impossible circumstances. After all, Elizabeth was their mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and dear friend, to have to publicly grieve cannot be easy especially with the eyes of the world's media analysing every micro facial movement. I hope now they can take a moment to breathe and, away from the public gaze, make sense of their own feelings moving forward. Although my post has begun with a few words about the Queen, she is not the main topic but her passing most certainly got me thinking.

Obviously, the fact she reached 96 years old and was in poor health, her death was not completely unpredictable. I think it's safe to assume, her family sensed there was not much more time to be shared with her. But tragically, as we all know, someone can be lost without any warning at all and then inevitably there is a tide of sorrow, not only for the person but also when we realise all the things, we never said to them. Our minds race back to the last conversation, we pick over every word, hoping we said something of some real significance. Sadly, too often, all we talked about were the minor irritations of everyday life and oh how we curse ourselves! The most dreaded words in the English language rush to our minds- 'if only.' Even though there was no way we could have known that would be the last time we would hear their voice, a tide of guilt and regret washes over us. As the stark realisation hits, that there will be no opportunity to say what we should have said and all we are left with, is the hope they knew how we felt about them.

Obviously, there is little any of us can do about losing anyone, but it's remarkably easy to avoid that kind of regret- all we have to do is simply say it now. I know it sounds like it could be awkward and even slightly embarrassing but for any discomfort we might feel, it will be worth it because there will be no doubt, those around us knew how we felt about them. I am aware there will be some who will say, "Oh they know, so there's no need to say it," I respectfully disagree only because it assumes too much. I completely accept, kindness over many years certainly shows a deep level of caring but who can argue, hearing the words "I love you" when it is said with total sincerity, is not a life-enhancing moment? Generally speaking, those of us who are parents, have little trouble in telling our children how much they mean, but do we do the same with our dearest friends? Possibly not and yet do we love them? Absolutely.

Also, I feel it's worth mentioning when inevitable arguments happen and both sides stubbornly refuse to be the first one to offer an olive branch of peace. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, my mother and I had several occasions when we clashed, generally because we were very much alike and a time of not speaking to each other would begin. On one such occasion, an aunt of mine, (also my mother's sister), simply asked me who I was going to be angry with when my mother was gone? Oh, I have to admit, at first, I replied with a whole speech about just how unreasonable my mother had been, how blameless I was and why should I have to be the one who 'gave in' as I was obviously right? My aunt looked at me and calmly said, she wasn't even slightly convinced the fact I was supposedly 'right' would be any kind of comfort should my mother pass away without our dispute having been resolved. I am very relieved to say, within hours, everything was settled, and our relationship was back. But it could have so easily been different, supposing I had decided enough was enough and never spoken to her again, I know I would have been devastated to know, the last conversation we had shared, ended so badly. Just by saying I was sorry, meant that when she did pass away, although I was obviously incredibly sad, I didn't have the crushing regret of an 'if only' moment.

Finally, I am very aware this might sound as if I'm suggesting you run around telling everyone you love them at every possible opportunity, I have to say, I'm really not. But for those people who are genuinely vital to your wellbeing and enhance your life on a daily basis, they absolutely deserve to hear how much you value them. As we all know, none of us come into the world with a sell by date printed on our bodies, we don't know how much time we have, so if there is someone you haven't told recently, how about doing it today? They might well look at you as if you're slightly crazy, but the words will resonate with them and perhaps make more difference than you could imagine.

Anyway, that's more than enough from me, so look after yourselves and, as always..

Take care out there xxxxx