A Different Kind of Freedom

 Hello Everyone, I'm sorry this post has taken so long to get here but there has been a lot going on chez Turner and that hasn't made things particularly easy. Anyway, I hope you're all doing as well as possible, for those of us in the North, Spring seems to have almost arrived whereas I know, in the South, you are waiting for Autumn, while hopefully enjoying the last few weeks of Summer. I want to write about freedom today but not in a 'wider world' context, as that is such a vast, multi-layered subject which is not suitable for a mere blogpost. Now, before I go much further, please know, I am well aware of how fortunate I am to live in the UK. Yes, there are tremendous areas of life here that need massive improvement, but if we consider the laws defending free speech, equality, human rights etc..again there is still room for these to get better, but when you compare it to some other nations, where these are nothing more than dreams, we are very lucky.

So, if not that kind of freedom, what am I talking about? Well, strange as it might sound, I've been thinking how we can gain some freedom from ourselves. As regular readers know, many years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. Although it doesn't leave me completely debilitated for most of the time, when it does hit, it feels as if I'm drowning in a very black ocean. But for all the therapy I've had over time, not to mention various medications, my depression is still there, I am not 'free' from its influence. Away from my own situation, I have close friends who deal with anxiety, how much easier their lives would be if they could simply walk away from those feelings. If they could instantly regulate their breathing, contain the rising panic and go about their day without ever experiencing the crippling exhaustion after enduring a panic attack.

Aside from mental health issues, I think all our lives would be improved if we could somehow gain our freedom from that negative, internal voice so many of us hear. How many times have you looked in the mirror and been disappointed by what you see? How many evenings have you spent trying to get ready for a night out, tried on multiple outfits only to end up believing that none of them look 'right? I know there's a famous quote about us being our own worst enemies and that's so true, I honestly don't think anyone has ever been as harsh to me, as I have and I know, so many of you feel the same way. We say things to ourselves that we wouldn't even contemplate saying to another person. As long as we listen to that voice, are we really free at all? And what about when an opportunity appears? Too often we procrastinate, try writing lists of pros and cons, until, in the end, we just wearily turn away because even thinking about it becomes too hard. At this point, I must say, I'm not criticising anyone for being fearful about taking a leap into the unknown, there's no denying, it's scary! But if we allow ourselves to be held back by that fear, I have to repeat, are we really free?

I have to admit, there have been times in my life when it's felt like I couldn't breathe, the weight of responsibilities alongside my own self-produced negativity, made even the air around me feel stifling and lacking in oxygen. Like so many others, there have been periods when life has been like being on one of those hamster wheels, you run as fast as you can and yet you never get anywhere. I haven't felt especially 'free' during those times, in fact, more than once, I have found myself wanting to jump off the wheel just to get a break!

Although I suspect I've slightly gone off topic, I hope you can understand what I mean about real freedom needing to begin within our own minds. At the time of writing, there are no failsafe methods of permanently alleviating depression, anxiety etc but perhaps, there are some things we can do to loosen their grip on our lives. Perhaps something as simple as looking at that reflection and seeing the positives could be a start, or maybe reviewing a piece of work we've created and acknowledging its merits rather than focusing on any perceived faults.

Can you imagine what it would be like to walk out of your front door, completely convinced you look fabulous? Or not caring whether others disapprove of what you want to do because you know, in your heart, it's the right thing? Moments like those, and so many others, to me, that would be real freedom. To be able to silence that inner voice unless it was saying something positive..how good would that be?

I'm hoping it's within our power to free ourselves- maybe not completely but definitely some of the time. I fully appreciate trying to get our own brains to help reframe how we think, is undoubtedly going to be a challenge but I have to believe, it can be done. We have one life, my friends, I think we owe it to ourselves to try and live it...to be free.

Anyway, on that note, I'll go on my way, thanks as always to those of you who reached out, your kind words are a constant source of strength and encouragement and I'm eternally grateful for them...so, as always, until the next time..

Take care out there xx