That Precious Commodity

 Hello Everyone, I hope you're all well and that life is giving you several moments to smile as you go about your day. I know it's been a while since I wrote to you, but it has not been an easy time at chez Turner and that's kept me away. As can happen in all our lives, it has felt like there are not enough hours in the day to deal with everything that needs my attention. As you might have already guessed, the precious commodity mentioned in the title of this post is time. I think we all take it for granted, don't we? But all too soon, we learn that none of us has a limitless supply. Every day is precious and yet we have all had times when we've wasted such a valuable resource.

Recently I had a conversation with a close friend about forgiveness, who commented although they found it admirable that I can often find a way to 'get past' when I've been hurt, they had found it far easier to simply cut someone out of their lives, when a line had been crossed. They explained this wasn't done in any kind of dramatic way, with the slamming of a door or blazing argument- it was more of an acceptance that the person concerned had gone too far and so no longer warranted a position in their lives. I've thought a great deal about what they'd said and looked back at my life especially all those hours I have spent agonising over whether or not to give someone just one more chance. Although I believe forgiveness is something you do for yourself as to hold on to negativity in any form of a grudge, achieves nothing. But there's no question, I would have saved myself a lot of time, if I'd just said, 'goodbye' and gone on my way rather than allowing certain people all those second chances that were, in some cases, completely undeserved.

While on the subject of looking back, I was also recently aware of just how easy we find it to take full responsibility for our successes and yet how hard it can be to acknowledge our failures. When things do go wrong, we can almost justify them, adding a whole backstory as to why something simply didn't work out. I know I have cited a plethora of excuses and feeble justifications, whereas it would have been far less complicated to say, 'I screwed up' and moved on. You see this kind of thing is what I mean when I say time gets wasted, does that make sense?

I feel this is even more apparent when I remember those who were once such a huge part of my life and have sadly died. It's with genuine sadness, when I realise, we could have shared so many more memories if we'd both truly understood that our time together was limited. How often we'd say, 'we can do this next week, next month' as if those were certainties, when we should have said, 'we will do it today.' I think everyone who has lost a loved one, feels the pain of wishing you could have had just one more day together.

With each passing year, I'm becoming increasingly aware of not wasting time, the idea of doing the 'fun' thing rather than the allegedly 'sensible' one, seems like an infinitely wiser option. This belief is further compounded when I hear people talk about all the things they are going to do when they retire which, in some cases, is in more than ten or twenty years! Now, obviously I respect everyone's right to live their own way but it's definitely not for me. I cannot imagine waiting that long for the best parts of life to start but then again, I must admit, patience has never come naturally to me. Also, I think we can all agree, in the wider world, the future is becoming increasingly uncertain, so surely it just makes more sense to take every opportunity when it happens rather than hope, it might appear again at some later stage.

I'm not suggesting that the only way to live as if every day is the last, but I do feel, as I alluded to earlier, we all have to accept that none of us are going to be around forever. When I was a teenager, I had argued with my mother which, to be honest, was not an unusual occurrence and had raged to an aunt. She listened with great patience as I vented about how unfair my mother was being, how it was impossible to talk to her about anything and I couldn't wait for the day when I didn't have to listen to her etc etc - yes, all those things teenagers can say when they feel aggrieved. When I finally ran out of perceived injustices, I waited for my aunt's agreement but instead, she quietly said, ' one day, your mother won't be around anymore and then, who are you going to be mad at?' For several moments, I was completely speechless as this was not the response I had expected at all! But then, in that silence, her words made complete sense, I went home and much to my mother's amazement, I apologised for my behaviour. Now, there were still times when we argued- probably too many- but the disputes were quickly healed, as if somehow, we both knew, what a waste it would be to really lose each other. When she died, even though it was expected, I felt her absence far more keenly than I'd thought was possible. But I do find some degree of comfort in knowing, for all the ups and downs in our relationship, it was time well spent, and, like I said before, I wouldn't have missed a moment.

So how to sum up? Well, I suppose to I'm saying, (in my usual rambling way) that perhaps we try to start every morning with the idea that we are going to try and make the most of the day. Perhaps by calling that friend we haven't spoken too for a while or posting something positive on social media to break up the seemingly unending gloom- maybe even just do something for ourselves that brings us pleasure or peace - preferably both! It sounds deceptively simple, doesn't it? We all know just how much can get in the way, but it's worth a try, don't you think? As, time really is precious.

Anyway, that's probably more than enough for now, so stay safe and I hope you all have the best possible day...

Take care out there xxx