Keep on Running
Well, my friends, once more Life has prevented me from being here as much as I would have liked, but, finally, I have some time to sit down and talk with you. Much as I don't want to moan and whine, it does feel as if I am having one of those periods, where everything seems to be conspiring against me - something I don't doubt you have experienced. Only the other day, after a particularly hellish day dealing with a government authority, I reached home and within hours, I had managed to rip off an entire toenail, ( don't worry, I didn't take pictures). Now, as an adult, you would hope I dealt with this situation calmly, perhaps thoroughly cleansing the wound before applying a sterile dressing..I did neither of these, no, instead, I hopped around, still bleeding on the kitchen floor and wailed ! Luckily, my pathetic cries were heard and the real adult in the household looked after me - even to the point of telling me how brave I was, although sadly, no sweets were offered to pacify me but that was understandable considering I am not a small child, even though I acted like one.
But you might be wondering why I am sharing this particular experience, (always assuming you haven't logged off in disgust at my immaturity), well, it's my way of beginning this post about my now deep-seated need to run away. Now, before you reach for the phone to ring the emergency services, I have not been kidnapped, abused or suffered any real harm - there's no person I want to leave either...the simple truth is, it's life I want to escape from and that thought fills my head. Recently, my weeks have been filled to the brim with form-filling, budgeting and generally being responsible with no real break because even when I am not actually doing anything, my head is consumed with the concerns of what I need to do tomorrow. Now, as some of you may recall, I suffer with insomnia, so you can imagine what it's like, not to even find some respite at night ! Oh the joys of lying awake at 2.00 a.m. trying to remember whether I took the bread out of the freezer or whether the school sports kit has been washed, perhaps if I filled that form in correctly or maybe should I quickly check my emails to see if that long awaited response has finally arrived. I lie there, anguishing over all these and other issues which seem to be dominating my life until I am sure what's left of my brain is going to explode.
Before I go on (oh yes, there's more), I completely accept I am far from unusual in feeling that life has become overwhelming, in fact, I know many people have more problems than I do - but despite the truth of that statement, when you are sleep-deprived and constantly worried, you do become selfish in only being able to see your own issues. So, during one such long, fraught night, I decided running away was the only sensible (?) thing to do...as the idea of packing a small bag and starting a whole new life felt beyond appealing to me. Now, I must stress right now, I would never leave my family permanently, but this notion of just escaping ? Well, I reasoned, if I prepared enough meals and made sure the washing was done, would they suffer ? After another hour of unforgivable self-pity, I concluded they would probably only notice I was gone, when the cookie jar was empty !
But, my addled brain queried, what would I do if I did run away ? I have no real circus skills, the need for wandering minstrels seems to have reduced since they went out of fashion several centuries ago and the romance of being a hobo 'riding the rails' had perhaps diminished since the invention of the high speed train- all that jumping into boxcars and travelling the country only happened in period movies. So with these options ruled out, what was left ? Changing my name to Rosemary Piccallili and trying to slip silently into a new town is virtually impossible in this online world, it would only take a few clicks of a mouse for my true identity to be revealed. So what's a person to do ? Join a rock band and hope against hope, several months of the hedonistic lifestyle of a world tour would solve all my problems - a plan of sorts, but kind of dependent on at least some musical talent, which even though I have strummed a guitar, would be unlikely to draw crowds.
I pulled the bedcovers over my head, after ruling out all these ideas, I was left with hiding ! As long as I was under the sheets, the rest of the world was safely on the other side of the bedroom door - but life goes on, doesn't it ? And that door never stays closed for long. Morning alarms start ringing, the vague murmurings of people waking up and, in our house, the impatient miaowing of the cat who either wants to come in or go out.
So I am still here, my friends, still tired, still worried and still with an ever-growing tower of problems to solve...but before you feel too sorry for me, I know this situation won't last forever, sooner or later, the issues will be sorted out and then..? Well, maybe then I will have the time to remember how to sleep...and when I am awake, how to just have fun because that's what is missing right now..fun. As adults, we are all guilty of deciding we need to be doing something 'worthwhile' all the time and maybe that's why we end up feeling life is overwhelming...we don't give ourselves time off and so that's my plan, my friends...I hope you can too because life is way too short to spend quite so much of it, feeling as if you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, we need to put that sucker down occasionally, don't you think ?
Anyway...that's more than enough for now..so until the next time....
Take care out there xx
But you might be wondering why I am sharing this particular experience, (always assuming you haven't logged off in disgust at my immaturity), well, it's my way of beginning this post about my now deep-seated need to run away. Now, before you reach for the phone to ring the emergency services, I have not been kidnapped, abused or suffered any real harm - there's no person I want to leave either...the simple truth is, it's life I want to escape from and that thought fills my head. Recently, my weeks have been filled to the brim with form-filling, budgeting and generally being responsible with no real break because even when I am not actually doing anything, my head is consumed with the concerns of what I need to do tomorrow. Now, as some of you may recall, I suffer with insomnia, so you can imagine what it's like, not to even find some respite at night ! Oh the joys of lying awake at 2.00 a.m. trying to remember whether I took the bread out of the freezer or whether the school sports kit has been washed, perhaps if I filled that form in correctly or maybe should I quickly check my emails to see if that long awaited response has finally arrived. I lie there, anguishing over all these and other issues which seem to be dominating my life until I am sure what's left of my brain is going to explode.
Before I go on (oh yes, there's more), I completely accept I am far from unusual in feeling that life has become overwhelming, in fact, I know many people have more problems than I do - but despite the truth of that statement, when you are sleep-deprived and constantly worried, you do become selfish in only being able to see your own issues. So, during one such long, fraught night, I decided running away was the only sensible (?) thing to do...as the idea of packing a small bag and starting a whole new life felt beyond appealing to me. Now, I must stress right now, I would never leave my family permanently, but this notion of just escaping ? Well, I reasoned, if I prepared enough meals and made sure the washing was done, would they suffer ? After another hour of unforgivable self-pity, I concluded they would probably only notice I was gone, when the cookie jar was empty !
But, my addled brain queried, what would I do if I did run away ? I have no real circus skills, the need for wandering minstrels seems to have reduced since they went out of fashion several centuries ago and the romance of being a hobo 'riding the rails' had perhaps diminished since the invention of the high speed train- all that jumping into boxcars and travelling the country only happened in period movies. So with these options ruled out, what was left ? Changing my name to Rosemary Piccallili and trying to slip silently into a new town is virtually impossible in this online world, it would only take a few clicks of a mouse for my true identity to be revealed. So what's a person to do ? Join a rock band and hope against hope, several months of the hedonistic lifestyle of a world tour would solve all my problems - a plan of sorts, but kind of dependent on at least some musical talent, which even though I have strummed a guitar, would be unlikely to draw crowds.
I pulled the bedcovers over my head, after ruling out all these ideas, I was left with hiding ! As long as I was under the sheets, the rest of the world was safely on the other side of the bedroom door - but life goes on, doesn't it ? And that door never stays closed for long. Morning alarms start ringing, the vague murmurings of people waking up and, in our house, the impatient miaowing of the cat who either wants to come in or go out.
So I am still here, my friends, still tired, still worried and still with an ever-growing tower of problems to solve...but before you feel too sorry for me, I know this situation won't last forever, sooner or later, the issues will be sorted out and then..? Well, maybe then I will have the time to remember how to sleep...and when I am awake, how to just have fun because that's what is missing right now..fun. As adults, we are all guilty of deciding we need to be doing something 'worthwhile' all the time and maybe that's why we end up feeling life is overwhelming...we don't give ourselves time off and so that's my plan, my friends...I hope you can too because life is way too short to spend quite so much of it, feeling as if you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, we need to put that sucker down occasionally, don't you think ?
Anyway...that's more than enough for now..so until the next time....
Take care out there xx
