Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again....
Well, despite what might be considered, (by some) overwhelming odds..here I am again and frankly, nobody is more surprised than me. As regular readers will know, it's all been a bit of a soap opera recently, couple forced apart by government, flights across the world to be homeless, daily struggles to just keep warm and fed....actually, when I read that back, no self-respecting soap would attempt to squidge all that into a few weeks' episodes ! To say it's been a bit 'fraught' would be like saying the Pacific Ocean is a bit wet...but here we are..so I think it's fairly safe to say, someone somewhere likes me.
I would love to say, I have been brave..even stoic throughout this whole experience, but, much as I would like to claim it, it would be a LONG way from the truth. Whole days have gone by where all I have successfully managed to do, is sob uncontrollably....although these have been punctuated by days of almost incandescent rage at what has felt like a whole series of blatantly unfair moments...so not exactly the very model of restraint. But somehow, despite several disappointments and meetings with local authority officials who were either useless, helpless, patronising and/or downright obstinate...the new day dawns and we live to fight again. While on the subject of officials, can anyone tell me why they feel the need to state the obvious, in a way that would suggest they've been watching too many episodes of Agatha Christie ?
"So, as you're homeless and without any viable means of financial support, I would suggest you're struggling...."
Oh the temptation to sarcastically scream back,
"Oh really !? I had no idea !"
Or another favourite,
"As you've been in Australia for over a year now, you've probably realised by now, it's a long way from England...."
Naturally, my inner voice is yelling,
"Who knew ????? And here I was thinking it was a mere bus ride away."
And this is the last one which has cropped up too many times to mention,
"If you could get a job, you would be able to earn money..."
Again, that poor overworked inner voice replies,
"You mean people don't pay in bushels of hay, a small goat and a jug of milk any more ?"
But despite the almost overwhelming desire to find a flamethrower and just torch the whole building, I have tried to answer each question as politely as possible without betraying a hint of the raging inferno within. Now you may be wondering how I have managed this level of self-control,well,
if nothing else, I have learned, when you're alone, you have to just let out all those pent up emotions ( thus explaining the previously mentioned sobbing, tantrums etc). If you can do that, when you are faced with the undeniable time-wasting stupidity of some government organisations, you can just about keep a lid on the rage.
Now the title of this particular post is actually a line from an old song, it makes any kind of 'starting again' sound almost chirpy, doesn't it ? But we all know, that's rarely the case, it takes a great deal of something to realise your life has pretty much fallen apart so all you can do, is collect up the pieces and do your best to re-assemble them as best you can. If you're very lucky, (as I am), you will find good friends are cheering you on and making you feel as if you can do anything. But even with that wonderful support, it does ultimately fall to you, to make the choice to keep trying - and that's the hard part. You want to quit, you can only see a mountain of obstacles in your way and it feels as if there's no way around. At times, you want to hide under the bed, or run away from the whole mess - but invariably, those actions will only end up hurting someone, you would never want to hurt. It's hard to pick yourself up, we all know this to be true, but the choice is staying down and that option only has one way to go, those pieces of your life ending up getting lost forever.
So how about me ? Have I started all over ? Well, to put it simply, not entirely, (sorry that isn't simply at all), I have successfully moved out from under the bed and there have been days when I have dressed and gone out too ! Oh yes, a positive hive of activity here ! As previously mentioned, I have attended countless meetings and applied for so many jobs now, I might well crash the jobsearch website. I did successfully get a job offer (YAY ME) but it turned out to be impossible to accept (BOO HOO ME), but the fact I got one suggests others will follow. For some unknown reason, despite all the evidence to the contrary, I can still see the tiniest flicker of hope on the horizon and it's that which is keeping me going.
I do wonder if it is hope, which makes it possible for us all to start again, after all, to even attempt such a thing means you have to believe it's possible. I have no real proof ,this is all going to end well but, as the saying goes, 'if you keep knocking , sooner or later the door will open.' Perhaps more than even hope, I have those special people in my life who I can't even consider being without...and it's the thought of them which makes me stop at the edge of the abyss of despair, turn around and refuse to jump in.
Before I go, someone I don't know at all sent me a message, it said, 'love conquers all and you know what love is'....it's true, I do and I am so blessed to have had that in my life...but can love really overcome everything ? Well, my old pal 'hope' says a hearty 'yes' so who am I to argue ?
We all face our own problems, obstacles, heartaches and dilemmas...we all feel beaten at times, I don't think we should feel bad about that...but once we've cried, screamed and thrown things..let's try not to forget hope...until the next time....
Take care out there xxx
I would love to say, I have been brave..even stoic throughout this whole experience, but, much as I would like to claim it, it would be a LONG way from the truth. Whole days have gone by where all I have successfully managed to do, is sob uncontrollably....although these have been punctuated by days of almost incandescent rage at what has felt like a whole series of blatantly unfair moments...so not exactly the very model of restraint. But somehow, despite several disappointments and meetings with local authority officials who were either useless, helpless, patronising and/or downright obstinate...the new day dawns and we live to fight again. While on the subject of officials, can anyone tell me why they feel the need to state the obvious, in a way that would suggest they've been watching too many episodes of Agatha Christie ?
"So, as you're homeless and without any viable means of financial support, I would suggest you're struggling...."
Oh the temptation to sarcastically scream back,
"Oh really !? I had no idea !"
Or another favourite,
"As you've been in Australia for over a year now, you've probably realised by now, it's a long way from England...."
Naturally, my inner voice is yelling,
"Who knew ????? And here I was thinking it was a mere bus ride away."
And this is the last one which has cropped up too many times to mention,
"If you could get a job, you would be able to earn money..."
Again, that poor overworked inner voice replies,
"You mean people don't pay in bushels of hay, a small goat and a jug of milk any more ?"
But despite the almost overwhelming desire to find a flamethrower and just torch the whole building, I have tried to answer each question as politely as possible without betraying a hint of the raging inferno within. Now you may be wondering how I have managed this level of self-control,well,
if nothing else, I have learned, when you're alone, you have to just let out all those pent up emotions ( thus explaining the previously mentioned sobbing, tantrums etc). If you can do that, when you are faced with the undeniable time-wasting stupidity of some government organisations, you can just about keep a lid on the rage.
Now the title of this particular post is actually a line from an old song, it makes any kind of 'starting again' sound almost chirpy, doesn't it ? But we all know, that's rarely the case, it takes a great deal of something to realise your life has pretty much fallen apart so all you can do, is collect up the pieces and do your best to re-assemble them as best you can. If you're very lucky, (as I am), you will find good friends are cheering you on and making you feel as if you can do anything. But even with that wonderful support, it does ultimately fall to you, to make the choice to keep trying - and that's the hard part. You want to quit, you can only see a mountain of obstacles in your way and it feels as if there's no way around. At times, you want to hide under the bed, or run away from the whole mess - but invariably, those actions will only end up hurting someone, you would never want to hurt. It's hard to pick yourself up, we all know this to be true, but the choice is staying down and that option only has one way to go, those pieces of your life ending up getting lost forever.
So how about me ? Have I started all over ? Well, to put it simply, not entirely, (sorry that isn't simply at all), I have successfully moved out from under the bed and there have been days when I have dressed and gone out too ! Oh yes, a positive hive of activity here ! As previously mentioned, I have attended countless meetings and applied for so many jobs now, I might well crash the jobsearch website. I did successfully get a job offer (YAY ME) but it turned out to be impossible to accept (BOO HOO ME), but the fact I got one suggests others will follow. For some unknown reason, despite all the evidence to the contrary, I can still see the tiniest flicker of hope on the horizon and it's that which is keeping me going.
I do wonder if it is hope, which makes it possible for us all to start again, after all, to even attempt such a thing means you have to believe it's possible. I have no real proof ,this is all going to end well but, as the saying goes, 'if you keep knocking , sooner or later the door will open.' Perhaps more than even hope, I have those special people in my life who I can't even consider being without...and it's the thought of them which makes me stop at the edge of the abyss of despair, turn around and refuse to jump in.
Before I go, someone I don't know at all sent me a message, it said, 'love conquers all and you know what love is'....it's true, I do and I am so blessed to have had that in my life...but can love really overcome everything ? Well, my old pal 'hope' says a hearty 'yes' so who am I to argue ?
We all face our own problems, obstacles, heartaches and dilemmas...we all feel beaten at times, I don't think we should feel bad about that...but once we've cried, screamed and thrown things..let's try not to forget hope...until the next time....
Take care out there xxx
