I'm Baaaack !
Just when you thought it was safe..she came back and this time, it's personal....what am I talking about ? Hello again and yes, I am back although why I felt it was necessary to shamelessly plagarise several movie franchises, I have no real idea. So to begin, I hope you've all been well and I can only apologise for my enforced absence..Life has been nothing less than ridiculous and so it's taken all my time to focus on swimming and not drowning...let me explain..
So, as you might remember, my daughter and I were shipped back to our home country with nothing but two suitcases, so as you can guess, not exactly ideal. After several weeks of total despair, when even the most basic necessities felt like nothing more than dreams..our lives finally took a tiny step forward. As is often the case, it was in our darkest moments, our truest friends switched on the light of hope and guided us to safety and, of course, we were so grateful for their intervention and help. It is something of a long story as to how we got where we are now, but suffice to say, a degree of luck and undeniably divine intervention intervened and we are now safe, warm, fed and still with a degree of sanity.
Once the obvious needs were installed, it was then time to think about getting jobs and maybe even finding our own home again. Sadly, we had quickly discovered, doing anything without an actual address, access to wifi or even somewhere to hang clothes, made achieving anything virtually impossible in the modern world. At the risk of sounding flippant, there were several days when it occurred to us both, maybe the Amish had the right idea ! But finding the energy from somewhere to keep going, as I said, we found ourselves a place to be and so we began to rebuild.
My daughter, being the younger, more intelligent and creative one of us, was unsurprisingly the first to achieve full employment...it isn't a role she would have chosen, mainly, I think, because it makes absolutely no use of her intelligence or creativity, but, she took the offer anyway ! I think she was reminded of a lesson we all have to learn at different times of our lives, sometimes Life offers us no choices we would make for ourselves, but in accepting them, we will ultimately move forward. I don't want to sound like a gushy mother, but I can honestly say, I have rarely been more proud of her, than when I have watched her go off to a job she really doesn't like, but does it, for the benefit of us both. I did find getting a job much harder, I suppose, after so many years of working, I had certain expectations of the kind of employment I should be able to gain. The key word there is 'should' because it bore no relation to what I was ultimately offered - a series of increasingly depressing roles which, ( and I know this makes me sound whiny ), I didn't feel would result in anything other than feeling worse than I already did. You see, my friends, I carry the guilt of knowing -without question- one of the key reasons we were in this mess, was my fault..I had made choices, I had taken steps, hoping to have a better life and it had all gone spectacularly wrong ! Not that I regret doing what I did, but with the benefit of hindsight, I should have obviously been better prepared for every possible outcome.
So after some time feeling very sorry for myself, I finally moved my sorry butt and achieved employment - YAY ! Now the job I have is so far removed from what I would have once spent my days doing..but as the saying goes...beggars can't be choosers. So with money starting to trickle into our bank accounts, we started being able to buy shoes to replace the rather tragic footwear we had been wearing to amble around town...( as an aside, there is almost no fun to be had, walking around with holes in your shoes when it's cold and raining). We were also able to buy a little bit of make-up, which I needed so much more than my daughter, as all the worry and stress seemed to have turned my face into something resembling a panda - an exhausted one too. It's amazingly satisfying, after a time of nothing, just how good it is, to start to see all those 'essentials' creeping back into your life.
After a month, we decided to make the reckless decision to go to a coffee shop..we sat there like 'regular' people, sipping hot chocolate and eating delicious cake. Now you might be thinking, that was a waste of money, but it really wasn't..because it made us feel like 'normal' life was not only possible again but within our grasp. I really cannot explain how good it was to sit and talk about movies, make terrible jokes about nothing, share thoughts etc...because we had gone through weeks of nothing but anxious exchanges regarding where we were going to sleep that night or if we could make a few pounds last a week.
As I type this now, my daughter is a bedroom next door, she is safe, her eyes glued to some series on Netflix and I know, aside from the usual thoughts that occupy most minds, she will eventually fall asleep, sure in the knowledge, there will be breakfast in the morning. As her mother, that's all I need to know for now ...who would have thought something I would have once taken for granted, is suddenly the most important thing and is so appreciated.
I won't ramble on too much longer, but it would be a crime for me not to mention, how fortunate we have been throughout this whole experience...the wonderful friends offering boundless support and the new friends we have met, who saw us falling and raced to stop us hitting the ground. People who we had never previously met, but who felt moved to help without expecting anything in return. I have to say, despite it all, my faith in people has been restored somewhat...and that's a blessing in itself.
Anyway, I should probably let you get on with your days...I will be back soon to tell you more about this life and some of the surprising turns there have been on the road...as always I wish you well and...oh it's been too long....
Take care out there xx
So, as you might remember, my daughter and I were shipped back to our home country with nothing but two suitcases, so as you can guess, not exactly ideal. After several weeks of total despair, when even the most basic necessities felt like nothing more than dreams..our lives finally took a tiny step forward. As is often the case, it was in our darkest moments, our truest friends switched on the light of hope and guided us to safety and, of course, we were so grateful for their intervention and help. It is something of a long story as to how we got where we are now, but suffice to say, a degree of luck and undeniably divine intervention intervened and we are now safe, warm, fed and still with a degree of sanity.
Once the obvious needs were installed, it was then time to think about getting jobs and maybe even finding our own home again. Sadly, we had quickly discovered, doing anything without an actual address, access to wifi or even somewhere to hang clothes, made achieving anything virtually impossible in the modern world. At the risk of sounding flippant, there were several days when it occurred to us both, maybe the Amish had the right idea ! But finding the energy from somewhere to keep going, as I said, we found ourselves a place to be and so we began to rebuild.
My daughter, being the younger, more intelligent and creative one of us, was unsurprisingly the first to achieve full employment...it isn't a role she would have chosen, mainly, I think, because it makes absolutely no use of her intelligence or creativity, but, she took the offer anyway ! I think she was reminded of a lesson we all have to learn at different times of our lives, sometimes Life offers us no choices we would make for ourselves, but in accepting them, we will ultimately move forward. I don't want to sound like a gushy mother, but I can honestly say, I have rarely been more proud of her, than when I have watched her go off to a job she really doesn't like, but does it, for the benefit of us both. I did find getting a job much harder, I suppose, after so many years of working, I had certain expectations of the kind of employment I should be able to gain. The key word there is 'should' because it bore no relation to what I was ultimately offered - a series of increasingly depressing roles which, ( and I know this makes me sound whiny ), I didn't feel would result in anything other than feeling worse than I already did. You see, my friends, I carry the guilt of knowing -without question- one of the key reasons we were in this mess, was my fault..I had made choices, I had taken steps, hoping to have a better life and it had all gone spectacularly wrong ! Not that I regret doing what I did, but with the benefit of hindsight, I should have obviously been better prepared for every possible outcome.
So after some time feeling very sorry for myself, I finally moved my sorry butt and achieved employment - YAY ! Now the job I have is so far removed from what I would have once spent my days doing..but as the saying goes...beggars can't be choosers. So with money starting to trickle into our bank accounts, we started being able to buy shoes to replace the rather tragic footwear we had been wearing to amble around town...( as an aside, there is almost no fun to be had, walking around with holes in your shoes when it's cold and raining). We were also able to buy a little bit of make-up, which I needed so much more than my daughter, as all the worry and stress seemed to have turned my face into something resembling a panda - an exhausted one too. It's amazingly satisfying, after a time of nothing, just how good it is, to start to see all those 'essentials' creeping back into your life.
After a month, we decided to make the reckless decision to go to a coffee shop..we sat there like 'regular' people, sipping hot chocolate and eating delicious cake. Now you might be thinking, that was a waste of money, but it really wasn't..because it made us feel like 'normal' life was not only possible again but within our grasp. I really cannot explain how good it was to sit and talk about movies, make terrible jokes about nothing, share thoughts etc...because we had gone through weeks of nothing but anxious exchanges regarding where we were going to sleep that night or if we could make a few pounds last a week.
As I type this now, my daughter is a bedroom next door, she is safe, her eyes glued to some series on Netflix and I know, aside from the usual thoughts that occupy most minds, she will eventually fall asleep, sure in the knowledge, there will be breakfast in the morning. As her mother, that's all I need to know for now ...who would have thought something I would have once taken for granted, is suddenly the most important thing and is so appreciated.
I won't ramble on too much longer, but it would be a crime for me not to mention, how fortunate we have been throughout this whole experience...the wonderful friends offering boundless support and the new friends we have met, who saw us falling and raced to stop us hitting the ground. People who we had never previously met, but who felt moved to help without expecting anything in return. I have to say, despite it all, my faith in people has been restored somewhat...and that's a blessing in itself.
Anyway, I should probably let you get on with your days...I will be back soon to tell you more about this life and some of the surprising turns there have been on the road...as always I wish you well and...oh it's been too long....
Take care out there xx
