Mum's the Word
Hello everyone, as always it's lovely to be here and especially lovely to have the sun shining through my window as I am writing to you - for those of you in warmer climates than the UK, you might wonder why seeing the sun has such a significance, but believe me, it's always a welcome sight here. Anyway, while talking about the UK, last Sunday marked Mother's Day for us, and, as often happens, it also got me thinking about what it means to be a mother. Now, before I go on, I have huge admiration for fathers, they do an amazing job and offer something completely different when it comes to parenting - but because of the recent celebration, this post is about mothers. It also helps that I am one myself, which hopefully, makes me something of an expert ! Although I readily admit, my alleged 'expertise' has not always been especially obvious.
Looking back to when I had my first child, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into at all ! To go from being a wilfully irresponsible person - some might say reckless - to then suddenly be someone's mother was quite a leap for me. But far from being a chore, I actually loved being the mother of a young child, for no other reason, than she made me see the world in a whole new way. She had a fascination with animals, to see even the most every day duck or horse, through her eyes, made me appreciate them so much more. Equally, when she first saw snow, or the sea or even the leaves fall in Autumn, her view took the mundane and made it extraordinary. When you find yourself teaching someone to read and write, when you see the simple joy they feel, as they successfully complete their own name - well, there's not much better. But children don't stay children forever, I think you can forget that reality, when you're awake at all hours of the night, trying to get your baby to go to sleep. They grow, and if you've done a good job, they have the mind to form their own opinions, create their own path and, suddenly, as if overnight, your baby has become a grown woman. They say 'they grow up so fast' and it's true, when you have to let your children go, is so much harder than all the times you just wanted a whole night's sleep.
When my second child happened along, I believed - as it turns out wrongly - I knew what I was doing now, so this should be easy. I forgot, one child is not a clone of another and so what worked for one doesn't necessarily work for them both. My second child wanted independence, right from the start, she pushed herself to walk, to talk, to read a book by herself and write her name. Her mission seemed to be, to learn everything possible so she could do anything - I would look on with amazement, as she took every challenge and, by sheer willpower, overcome it. Her childhood was not the same kind of life as her sisters, sadly, in the interim period, family members had died or moved away, which obviously gave her a very different perspective.
Despite their differences, I am happy, I managed to bring two people into the world, who see beyond themselves, they have a thirst for knowledge, a love of trying anything new and the courage of their convictions. I do not always agree with them, and they, most certainly, are more than aware of my flaws. But I am hopeful, long after I'm gone, they will continue to develop as people and look the world in the eye. One of the few traits they share, is the ability to not really care too much when some around them is negative which means they're not easy to deflect from their chosen path- I am hopeful they will feel, they got that ability from me.
Aside from being a mother, I was also a daughter and perhaps this was where my ideas on parenting were formed. My mother was a woman of great talent, she had a good sense of humour, loyalty to those she cared about and absolutely no regard for anyone who didn't seem to add anything positive to her life - yes, it's true, the apple didn't fall far from the tree ! We clashed often, I was angry with her throughout most of my teenage years, mainly because I didn't feel heard much of the time - whether that was true or not, well, who knows? She seemed strict and unforgiving in her opinions, as if it was either her way or the highway - I've since realised as I've matured, she had to be strong and so what I saw then as intransigence, I can see was actually having her own mind. I regret not talking with her more and arguing a little less, but I am comforted by the knowledge, she came to respect my resilience when faced with adversity and my belief, however bad things were, I would find a way through them. I am also so very grateful to her, as she never once showed even the merest hint of prejudice against anyone, be it their race, gender, sexual preference, age etc, in fact, more than once, I saw her strongly rebuke someone who said anything she considered offensive and if she witnessed bullying ? Well, she was a powerful spokesperson for the underdog.
I carry her life lessons with me, every single day, without her influence, I would not be who I am - I am forever grateful she was my mother. I can only hope my own children will feel the same about me, one day - they will understand I was a person who may have failed at times, but did not give up and chased every last dream - that's what I want for them...because that's what life should be about and as a parent, perhaps the most important lesson we can teach.
So to all mothers, grandmothers and those, who might fill those shoes themselves...my love and thanks to all you bring to this world...until then...
Take care out there xx
Looking back to when I had my first child, I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into at all ! To go from being a wilfully irresponsible person - some might say reckless - to then suddenly be someone's mother was quite a leap for me. But far from being a chore, I actually loved being the mother of a young child, for no other reason, than she made me see the world in a whole new way. She had a fascination with animals, to see even the most every day duck or horse, through her eyes, made me appreciate them so much more. Equally, when she first saw snow, or the sea or even the leaves fall in Autumn, her view took the mundane and made it extraordinary. When you find yourself teaching someone to read and write, when you see the simple joy they feel, as they successfully complete their own name - well, there's not much better. But children don't stay children forever, I think you can forget that reality, when you're awake at all hours of the night, trying to get your baby to go to sleep. They grow, and if you've done a good job, they have the mind to form their own opinions, create their own path and, suddenly, as if overnight, your baby has become a grown woman. They say 'they grow up so fast' and it's true, when you have to let your children go, is so much harder than all the times you just wanted a whole night's sleep.
Despite their differences, I am happy, I managed to bring two people into the world, who see beyond themselves, they have a thirst for knowledge, a love of trying anything new and the courage of their convictions. I do not always agree with them, and they, most certainly, are more than aware of my flaws. But I am hopeful, long after I'm gone, they will continue to develop as people and look the world in the eye. One of the few traits they share, is the ability to not really care too much when some around them is negative which means they're not easy to deflect from their chosen path- I am hopeful they will feel, they got that ability from me.
Aside from being a mother, I was also a daughter and perhaps this was where my ideas on parenting were formed. My mother was a woman of great talent, she had a good sense of humour, loyalty to those she cared about and absolutely no regard for anyone who didn't seem to add anything positive to her life - yes, it's true, the apple didn't fall far from the tree ! We clashed often, I was angry with her throughout most of my teenage years, mainly because I didn't feel heard much of the time - whether that was true or not, well, who knows? She seemed strict and unforgiving in her opinions, as if it was either her way or the highway - I've since realised as I've matured, she had to be strong and so what I saw then as intransigence, I can see was actually having her own mind. I regret not talking with her more and arguing a little less, but I am comforted by the knowledge, she came to respect my resilience when faced with adversity and my belief, however bad things were, I would find a way through them. I am also so very grateful to her, as she never once showed even the merest hint of prejudice against anyone, be it their race, gender, sexual preference, age etc, in fact, more than once, I saw her strongly rebuke someone who said anything she considered offensive and if she witnessed bullying ? Well, she was a powerful spokesperson for the underdog.
I carry her life lessons with me, every single day, without her influence, I would not be who I am - I am forever grateful she was my mother. I can only hope my own children will feel the same about me, one day - they will understand I was a person who may have failed at times, but did not give up and chased every last dream - that's what I want for them...because that's what life should be about and as a parent, perhaps the most important lesson we can teach.
So to all mothers, grandmothers and those, who might fill those shoes themselves...my love and thanks to all you bring to this world...until then...
Take care out there xx
