When the dust settles....
Good morning everyone, I hope you're all well and looking forward to the weekend, I thin, after recent events, we all know how fortunate we are to have that future. Like so much of the world, the news of the helicopter crash near Los Angeles, shocked and saddened me. All those people began their day, perhaps like many others in the past, expecting to have a day involved in their favourite sport and yet, after less than hour, they had perished. There have been many outpourings of grief, especially for the most famous of those passengers, Kobe Bryant and his daughter, Gianna, which I have no doubt, are completely sincere. But what I want to write about today, are the families of those who are left to try and rebuild their lives.
Sadly, few of us are spared from losing someone we loved, it's a pain like any other and, over time, it never goes, it just somehow gets slightly easier to manage, In my own life, I have lost people who I had believed who would live forever, but, in a way, what's worse, is watching someone try and deal with a loss. As a spectator, you feel completely useless as you watch them suffer, you know, there is nothing you can say or do which will help - all you're left doing, is trying to be there for them. I can't even imagine how awful it must be for your pain to be almost considered 'public property.' In little more than a split second, Mrs Bryant lost her husband and her daughter, everywhere she looks, their beaming faces are on front pages and on television, People, who she may never have met, are discussing her husband's 'legacy' while she must be struggling to come to terms with her agonising grief. I cannot pretend to be a huge basketball fan, but I have to say, I've found much of the coverage extremely insensitive. There is talk of the number of awards Kobe Bryant won, his amazing performances on the court and how he belongs in the Hall of Fame. For his devastated widow, I have no doubt, she would throw every trophy in the trash, if it meant having him back. As for the reports about his daughter, who was also a talented player, to discuss what sporting heights she might have achieved ? None of that matters when compared to the vast gap in her family's life, her tragic death has left.
But, what really concerned me, is what will happen when the media moves on, and all the families affected by the crash, are left to try and make sense of it all. When my own father died suddenly, my family were inundated with offers of help, my mother was constantly reassured by people, they would 'always be there for her.' Once the funeral had happened, she did receive regular phone calls and visits, but then, as time passed, not so much. I asked her once if it bothered her and she simply replied,
"Their lives have returned to normal, so I can't expect the world to stop, just because mine never can."
Thankfully, she had a small group of friends who remained close, who knew her well enough, to stay away when she wanted to be alone yet be ready to race to her side, when she needed them. I can only hope Mrs Bryant and the other families, have this same support.
Aside from everything else, I think an accident like this one, makes us all take stock of our own lives. We are all guilty of looking too far ahead, when we should be completely committed to making the most of today. I was also struck by the thought, we can hold on to past problems with others for too long, or, worse still, we don't tell those who are most special to us, just what they mean to our lives. If nothing else, this tragedy should remind us, just how delicate life's balance can be- it only takes something unexpected, to remove everything we had believed was forever.
After any event which has left us feeling broken, it is almost impossible to believe we can rebuild any kind of life again. I know people who have gone through divorce, mental health issues, physical trauma and all of them have said, at one stage,
"I can't go on."
I cannot imagine what it must be like, to face that uphill struggle, with the whole world watching you, personally, I hope the media leaves Mrs Bryant alone until she feels ready to come back into the public eye or respects her choice, to stay away from the spotlight.
I do have one last point, when my father died, I saw- more than once- people cross the street when they saw my mother. It was obvious, they didn't know what to say, so it seemed easier to pretend they hadn't seen her. Despite being a witness, I know sometimes,I have been guilty of doing a similar thing, by not answering a phone call, or replying to a text from someone I know is going through difficult times. I believe we all do this and although it's understandable, perhaps we need to think again. If you consider my mother's words about lives being normal, just because ours might be doesn't mean we should look the other way, when someone else's life has changed completely.
Finally, as regular readers will know, I don't follow any particular religious faith, so instead, I will ask you to keep the families who were involved in this accident, in your thoughts - but not just while they're headline news, but for all the months which follow - because it seems to me, that's when they will need them most...until the next time..
Take care out there xx
Sadly, few of us are spared from losing someone we loved, it's a pain like any other and, over time, it never goes, it just somehow gets slightly easier to manage, In my own life, I have lost people who I had believed who would live forever, but, in a way, what's worse, is watching someone try and deal with a loss. As a spectator, you feel completely useless as you watch them suffer, you know, there is nothing you can say or do which will help - all you're left doing, is trying to be there for them. I can't even imagine how awful it must be for your pain to be almost considered 'public property.' In little more than a split second, Mrs Bryant lost her husband and her daughter, everywhere she looks, their beaming faces are on front pages and on television, People, who she may never have met, are discussing her husband's 'legacy' while she must be struggling to come to terms with her agonising grief. I cannot pretend to be a huge basketball fan, but I have to say, I've found much of the coverage extremely insensitive. There is talk of the number of awards Kobe Bryant won, his amazing performances on the court and how he belongs in the Hall of Fame. For his devastated widow, I have no doubt, she would throw every trophy in the trash, if it meant having him back. As for the reports about his daughter, who was also a talented player, to discuss what sporting heights she might have achieved ? None of that matters when compared to the vast gap in her family's life, her tragic death has left.
But, what really concerned me, is what will happen when the media moves on, and all the families affected by the crash, are left to try and make sense of it all. When my own father died suddenly, my family were inundated with offers of help, my mother was constantly reassured by people, they would 'always be there for her.' Once the funeral had happened, she did receive regular phone calls and visits, but then, as time passed, not so much. I asked her once if it bothered her and she simply replied,
"Their lives have returned to normal, so I can't expect the world to stop, just because mine never can."
Thankfully, she had a small group of friends who remained close, who knew her well enough, to stay away when she wanted to be alone yet be ready to race to her side, when she needed them. I can only hope Mrs Bryant and the other families, have this same support.
Aside from everything else, I think an accident like this one, makes us all take stock of our own lives. We are all guilty of looking too far ahead, when we should be completely committed to making the most of today. I was also struck by the thought, we can hold on to past problems with others for too long, or, worse still, we don't tell those who are most special to us, just what they mean to our lives. If nothing else, this tragedy should remind us, just how delicate life's balance can be- it only takes something unexpected, to remove everything we had believed was forever.
After any event which has left us feeling broken, it is almost impossible to believe we can rebuild any kind of life again. I know people who have gone through divorce, mental health issues, physical trauma and all of them have said, at one stage,
"I can't go on."
I cannot imagine what it must be like, to face that uphill struggle, with the whole world watching you, personally, I hope the media leaves Mrs Bryant alone until she feels ready to come back into the public eye or respects her choice, to stay away from the spotlight.
I do have one last point, when my father died, I saw- more than once- people cross the street when they saw my mother. It was obvious, they didn't know what to say, so it seemed easier to pretend they hadn't seen her. Despite being a witness, I know sometimes,I have been guilty of doing a similar thing, by not answering a phone call, or replying to a text from someone I know is going through difficult times. I believe we all do this and although it's understandable, perhaps we need to think again. If you consider my mother's words about lives being normal, just because ours might be doesn't mean we should look the other way, when someone else's life has changed completely.
Finally, as regular readers will know, I don't follow any particular religious faith, so instead, I will ask you to keep the families who were involved in this accident, in your thoughts - but not just while they're headline news, but for all the months which follow - because it seems to me, that's when they will need them most...until the next time..
Take care out there xx
