Being Left Behind

 Hello Everyone, I hope all is well with you and that despite everything that's happening in the world, you're all still finding reasons to smile. I am well aware, this might be infinitely easier said than done, as we all know, as a planet we are facing considerable challenges- but as always, I am still hopeful that joy isn't a complete stranger to you.

Over the recent weeks, I have been thinking a lot about where my life might be heading, as it has seemed there is little direction or genuine purpose. Don't get me wrong, a great deal of my time has been as a cheerleader to those around me, encouraging them to follow their individual paths and offering reassurance that all their goals are within reach. But now, as I watch them head off, the fact I am feeling more and more left behind is becoming impossible to ignore. Before I go on, I must stress, I'm incredibly happy to see those I care about doing so well, they have nearly all faced challenges and obstacles and if I've played even the slightest role in helping overcome them, then that alone is a life well-lived. But there is still a nagging feeling that perhaps I don't pay as much attention to my own life as I do those of other people. I know I'm far from alone in feeling this way, as an example, I think parents do readily put themselves second when it comes to helping their children. We want them to have every possible opportunity, to have the lives that perhaps weren't possible for us and, of course, we want them to succeed in whichever way will mean the most to them. 

But when those children have grown and are busily chasing their own dreams, it's hard not to feel a sense of almost redundancy. Equally, when we help friends and other loved ones, there's no trace of jealousy, our sole focus is on them but when they're on their way- what do we do? It's like going home and instead of finding a house brimming with life, the rooms are deafeningly silent.

Now, it could be a part of that 'empty nest syndrome' that is so eagerly discussed on morning television, where invariably there's a very earnest-looking expert who will breezily suggest embarking on a new hobby or maybe completely overhauling your appearance to aid in the search for a 'new you.' Not that I think I'm especially amazing but I'm very sure, I don't want a new version, the old one gives me more than enough problems!

But despite that belief, I do find myself like one of those people who wave off a ship from the dockside, with the passengers all waving excitedly, accompanied by a brass band as they slowly edge into the distance. But once they're out of sight, all that's left for those left behind is to wander away, wondering if they should have gone too.

If I sound melancholy, I don't mean too..any more than I want to appear angry or jealous or worse still, sorry for myself. I just need a sign, something that will say, 'this is your path' and, so far, it hasn't appeared.

Is this the way? Who knows?

I know there will be some who will point at the back catalogue of my novels and suggest the answer lies in writing another book. As it happens, I have started a new novella, which is always something of a 'process' but it does feel better to be doing something rather than nothing. I can also reveal, another type of project has been happening over the past months which I can't talk about yet. But even though those things are ongoing, it's impossible to ignore this 'being left behind' feeling so let's hope that sign comes soon.

Well, much as I know this post is shorter than usual, please know it's out of deference to all of you, the last thing you need is me droning on for too long. But before I go, regular readers will know, I'm a firm believer that things all make sense in the end- even the worst experiences can lead to something positive. So please don't worry, okay? Like everything else in life, this feeling will either leave completely or find a peaceful spot in my mind until that path I mentioned finally makes itself known.

Until then, please look after yourselves, stay very safe and until the next time..

Take very good care out there xx