Less limbs...more heart

Well, my friends, it’s so good to be back amongst you again, I hope the world is looking good to you, wherever you might be – before I go on, many thanks for all the encouragement and messages of support, I am very happy to learn you’re finding the blog interesting. Anyway, for today, I want to write about sex, but in perhaps a slightly different way than you might imagine..let me explain..

Over the past months, as an avid reader, I have been increasingly fascinated by how different writers portray sex within their work, especially, as it plays quite a role in the trilogy I am currently working on myself. Aside from the obvious differences which are pretty essential, as they are determined by the specific genre of the work, I truly believe how an author writes about sex and intimacy, does offer the reader an insight into the writers’ own perception of the subject. Furthermore, I have found myself looking at my own attitudes, which I think is always a good thing, as if any of us become too entrenched in our own opinions of any subject, we are effectively closing a mental door in potentially gaining a new perspective.

I should say, not everything I have read when it comes to sexual scenes within a novel, have offered me a new view, in fact, I have found myself open-mouthed with disbelief at what I am reading – which, speaking personally, I feel is never a good thing, when you find yourself questioning the ‘truth’ within a story. For example, some time ago, a writer recommended her own work to me, with the warning, the book included graphic sexual content. I obviously took this warning seriously and was suitably prepared, however, when the scene appeared, I was left feeling both bemused, confused and disappointed. The first issue I had, in her rush to write this ‘steamy encounter’, she had fallen into the trap of using phrases like ‘throbbing member’, ‘thrusting manhood’ and ‘ravenous slurping,’ which, I assume, she felt would give the whole scene a real erotic realism, which, I guess, could have worked, had she not had the heroine’s legs wrapped around her man, while still standing up – so instead of making me feel even slightly turned on, I found myself skipping back through the book, hoping to find the part where we are told this woman has four legs! And what about the man? Clearly he has some issues too, the main one being hunger, as he is reduced to ravenously slurping on his female companion- so as she had four legs, I was left wondering if he had cannibalistic tendencies. Secondly, for no real reason, the writer included a lesbian love scene, despite the fact, until this section, there was nothing at all to suggest the heroine had ever found women sexually attractive. Once more, the prose was top-heavy, (pardon the innuendo but I just couldn’t resist), with ‘heaving breasts’, ‘lengthy tonguing’ and ‘dripping womanliness’, which is not a combination even I, as a bisexual woman, find especially appealing.

Aside from the description, I also found myself questioning the basic ‘truth’ behind all the encounters, one example would be, things just happened way too fast – at the vaguest glimpse of a nipple, the men were transformed into one large erection, which lasted for days at a time. Now, I am aware of the prescription medications available to men, but, I would assume, this just isn’t physically possible. As for the lesbian scene, I can only assume the ladies concerned, were taking some kind of supplements, as their stamina seemed pretty endless, no time allowed for food or sleep, they just kept going!

Now, it might appear as if I am simply criticising someone’s work, but I can assure you, I do have, what I believe to be, a more meaningful purpose in writing today because what I felt was really missing, were any kind of references to the emotional side of sex and intimacy. Sex is arguably a form of communication, it goes beyond just the physical meeting of two bodies – however thrusting they might be. A gentle touch, a light kiss, a passionate embrace – all of these illustrate how one partner is actually ‘feeling’ about the other, and those feelings can be so deep-seated, they can leave you breathless – far more than being confronted by some throbbing body part, which has no real connection to either partner. What saddens me, is there is now a trend to describe only the physical aspects of sex, rather than exploring the emotions it can trigger-for me, that’s perhaps why I struggled with this book. As an adult woman, I am familiar with how sex acts are performed, but what I don’t know, is just how people can be affected – we are all different, we bring our own unique perspective – that’s what I find fascinating, so when I read an erotic scene, I love to find myself enmeshed in the emotional content rather than laboriously attempting to keep a check on the number of limbs involved.

In my own writing, I have found I do refer back to my own personal experience, I am well aware, the adage ‘write about what you know’ can sound a little dull, but for me, I hope, it gives my work some of the realism I have talked about today. I believe I can write about all the emotions my central character encounters within the sexual aspect of her story, as they mirror what has actually happened to me. I appreciate that sounds perhaps extremely simplistic, but, the truth should be and, for me, as I have said before, I believe readers want to feel that’s what they’re being told...anyway, until next time…

Take care out there xx