Outside the walls.....

Well, as I am writing to you today, I have a peaceful mind, which for me, is a rare thing, as usually it resembles those soon-to-be-resurrected Christmas tree lights, in other words, when everything does have an order and looks amazing when its sorted, but temporarily is just a tangled clump of wires, going nowhere until, in the end, I’d be filled with the temptation to throw the whole lot away and buy a new set. I cannot tell you how often I used to think how much easier life would be if that was actually possible. But now, even though not every wire is straightened and I am still not sure where most of them connect, there’s a newly-found calm..let me tell you more..

As I write this, the temperature outside is hitting the 30’s, which is only worth mentioning, as I am English and this is November. Normally, at this time of year, I would be wearing several layers of clothes before heading out, only to find myself amidst all the pre-Christmas retail madness while listening to a seemingly-endless festive soundtrack led by the omnipresent Mariah Carey cheerily warbling ‘All I Want for Christmas’. But instead, here I am, with the Australian sun streaming through the window and its beautiful. As to how I have ended up here, well, for now, it’s enough to say, this is where I needed to be and so, instead of doing what might have been considered ‘sensible’- I followed my heart, (which I know is an unbelievably cliched statement but it happens to be true).

Until three years ago, in the U.K., I had, to some degree, a ‘happy’ life, I was fortunate to not be struggling with money too often and my world seemed settled. Every week was almost identical to the last, and, for a while, I found a kind of security in knowing what was to come. Looking back now, I can see, I knew there was something missing, but the small voice at the back of mind which reminded me of this, was easily drowned out by the ‘white noise’ of my routine existence. As an aside, I do wonder if most people have that voice, which reminds them, there could be ‘more’, but they choose to ignore it, as if, on some sub-conscious level, they decide to stick with what they know, as the ‘more’ seems too risky to pursue, until, finally, the voice falls permanently silent. I think I might have been one of those people too, but Life had other plans for me.

I had been a single parent for some years, despite a few pleasurable, but meaningless moments, I had pretty much decided, the chance of being in a relationship, was so unlikely, my romantic hopes, (such as they were) almost entirely revolved around meeting the gorgeous Johnny Depp! So, as you can guess, I felt there was absolutely no real hope. But then, completely unexpectedly, I met someone very special and my ‘safe’ world was turned on its head. As many other relationships, ours has been filled with the highs and lows, anyone might expect, but the biggest obstacle was the fact, for most of the time, there was a hefty 10,000 miles between us. So, as often as I could, I started to travel to Australia, ignoring those worried friends who frequently mentioned every conceivable travel risk, ranging from potential terrorist attacks to outbreaks of deadly diseases, in the hope I would see sense and resume my ‘normal’ life. Even though it wasn’t always easy, I soon realised, a shift was happening, the U.K. felt less and less like home and the need to be back in Australia became an all-consuming passion.

So, taking a huge time leap forward, I am now here again, and you might be wondering, do I regret discarding the safe and routine life I once had ? The answer is simple, it’s no. Despite the undeniable truth, the future here is fraught with potential pitfalls, the basic practicalities of life are not so easy to accomplish – these facts pale into insignificance, when compared to what’s been gained. For example, today I awoke in my partners’ arms, we talked, laughed and loved before starting our peaceful Sunday and to have one day like this one, is worth a thousand of repetitive certainty.

Before I leave you, I want to make one last point, I know for many people, they long for the kind of security I have described here and I have complete respect for their needs, as I’ve already said, there was a time I wanted that more than anything – after all it’s safe there behind those walls. But for me, once I had experienced what was on the ‘outside’, there was just simply no way I could stay any longer...anyway, wherever you are...until the next time…

Take care out there xx