Sharing everything but Ice Cream

Welcome, it’s lovely to see you again and thank for taking the time to visit – so what’s the subject for today? Well, not so long ago, the all-conquering diva Beyonce defiantly sang and danced her way through ‘Single Ladies’, now, I have to say immediately, much as I appreciate she is undeniably talented, she did concern me slightly when she spoke about her ongoing difficulties with being a goddess. I am totally supportive of anyone with drive and self-belief, however, when that strays into the world of the Divine, you do have to wonder when it will be, when someone finally loses patience and breaks the obviously- distressing news, she is in fact, only human. But my musical tastes (or lack of them, if you happen to be one of Ms Knowles devoted followers), are not the subject I want to share – today I want to talk about my experience of being single and now, in a relationship. Before you ask why I felt the need to mention Beyonce at all, well, her song got me thinking...and that’s all I can say…

I should perhaps add, as it feels like I’ve been a single parent forever, you may argue, I was not truly solo before this new relationship began, after all, I had my children. But as any parent will tell you, sometimes bringing children up without a partner can be the loneliest role anyone can play in Life. So, with all of that preamble out of the way, I can now begin…

When my children became old enough to burn their own toast without causing a blazing inferno, I did realise it was perhaps time to re-emerge back into the adult world, because even though I had always had a job, my working days were spent pondering the crucial questions in life, what the kids might like for dinner? Did either of them need their sports kit for school tomorrow? And, of course, the most important one of all, will I have any money left by the end of the week? So, as you can imagine, wondering what the chances were of meeting my soulmate, was not a priority at all! Strangely, on the occasions I did make some kind of contact with someone, I was so used to being ‘Mum’, I didn’t always remember, I was a woman too, so while they were using all their flirting techniques to win my affections, I rarely noticed – not out of rudeness on my part, just because I didn’t see myself as a potential date. I suppose that could have continued forever, were it not for the intervention of a dear friend, who was worried I was headed for a lonely life with nothing but an irritable cat for company.(Why the cat had to be irritable, I don’t know, I am guessing it made her description of my future even more depressing).

So after much debate, where she did most of the talking and I nodded, she mentioned all the bonuses of ‘sharing my life’ and ‘having someone always there for me’ etc etc Interestingly, the more she talked, the less I wanted to have a relationship at all! After all, with my daughters off being successful, I finally had the house to myself and it really wasn’t that bad. I could eat, sleep and bathe when I wanted too, my clothes, perfume, make-up etc remained where I had left them - ( I cannot tell you just how many hours of my life were taken up with scouring their rooms to retrieve my belongings). I didn’t have to watch endless tv series about vampires, angels, vampire angels, angelic vampires and, naturally, the show about a vampire falling in love with an angel or vice versa– and could now relax to the soft tones of Sir David Attenborough guiding me through the South American rainforest while gorging myself on ice cream which – again- I didn’t have to share. All in all, I argued, life alone really wasn’t that awful – my friend scowled at my words and proceeded to remind me, it would be ‘a waste’ if I didn’t make some attempt at finding the ‘right person.’

Unsurprisingly, my dating efforts were not always a towering success, I won’t bore you with endless anecdotes, but the experiences ranged from getting an entire wine glass stuck in my mouth to falling out of a car into a puddle, while trying to appear elegant. However, there were a few which did leave me wondering whether not having to share the TV remote should really be the ultimate life achievement.

Fast forward a couple of years and now, here I am, in a relationship and yes, even though it’s not always the stuff of fairytales, it is lovely to share a life and I have no intention of returning to my solitary existence – (although I must confess, sharing ice cream is still hard). If you remember, Beyonce sang about needing to ‘put a ring on it’, sad to say, this is another thing we don’t agree on – for me, to laugh until your sides ache, to desire beyond words and to lie in the dark, in your partners arms and feel completely at peace – well, if you have that, you really don’t need more jewellery.

So where does this leave me? Am I saying it’s always better to be with someone than single? Absolutely not! I truly believe, my time alone was one of the best things that happened to me. It gave me time to really think about what I wanted for my life, it also let me remember who I had been before I gave up my own name to become known only as ‘Mum.’ It was a breathing space, a time out’ and I cannot recommend it enough to you, because by the time I met my partner, I was less about school trips, who likes beans and who doesn’t etc and more about being a ‘woman’ again. As I have said in previous posts, I love my children more than life, their existence has brought me nothing but true joy and being known as their mother is a privilege, so don’t go away thinking, in some way, they were not enough for me as that is simply not true. It’s just sharing a different kind of life now with my partner is something I would never have predicted me relishing quite so much...guess that’s what life should be, don’t you think? Something to constantly surprise and challenge...well, that’s enough for now..but before I go, if you happen to be reading this Ms Knowles...

Take care out there xx