A Chair Leg and Breathless Talent

Well, here we are, another week begins and I just realised, we will soon be a quarter of the way through 2017, where did the time go? I don't know about you, but those New Year's resolutions seem a dim and distant memory now, mine were all about developing a more 'can-do' attitude and less wallowing in a negativity fuelled by chocolate. Obviously, I have since discovered, I actually quite enjoy a good wallow and I have never needed a reason to give in to my chocolatistic tendencies, (I do know that might not be a real word, but it really should be !) So this could be the reason my resolutions have somewhat sunk without trace. I will try harder though because once I do manage to find some motivation, other than the need for more highly-calorific treats, I do actually like being productive. So even though you may think this post is going to be very inspirational, sadly, it isn't...instead it's about who we choose to populate our lives...

Now, I have been blessed with knowing some wonderful friends, people I have laughed, cried, argued and loved with...and I have always known just how fortunate I am – especially when I embark on a new venture. Incredibly many have managed to stay awake while I burble on about the latest alleged brainwave and how I am going to achieve the desired results, they have even stepped up and read books and blog posts. They offer advice, they support and even though they must doubt my sanity, they will be encouraging – I sincerely hope they know, I will always do the same for them. I know many creative people and they all have the occasional crisis of confidence, so we help each other to keep our various artistic pursuits alive and well. I don't believe this is only in this kind of field, I would hope everyone has that merry band who will be there to listen and help, whatever you may be doing – friendship is a part of life and should be treasured.

However, there are people, (and sadly, I am guessing you've met some too), who see their role in your life as less cheerleader and more judge and jury. They listen intently to whatever scheme you might be contemplating, and proceed to not only highlight all the potential pitfalls of embarking on such a project, but also manage to make you feel unworthy of even thinking you could achieve anything...they say things like :-

“....well, yes people do write books/make cakes/survive an apocalypse, but that's because they are particularly talented/brave/gifted and you're....well, you're special in your own way.”

Obviously what they mean by 'special', is they think you've pretty much reached your limit of success by managing to tie your own shoelaces. If you do continue to insist you will be able to achieve, they do that infuriating shake of the head, accompanied by tutting, before saying,

“..well, you give it a go, but don't be disappointed when it doesn't work out, at least you will have tried.”

That last bit, usually said in the most patronising tone possible, is more than enough to make me – a totally non-violent person- want to grab the nearest chair leg and beat them repeatedly, while screeching,

“Try this for size !”

Yes, I do know, that behaviour is completely unacceptable and I would never actually hit anyone..but when I am being patronised, I must confess to imagining how good it would feel...

Anyway, if we put my frankly- worrying deep-seated need for violent outbursts to one side, I do wonder why people feel the need to burst their alleged friend's bubble. They will insist they are only saying or doing it, because they care about you – how can they not realise, they're actually being completely objectionable? I was talking about this very subject only the other day, and it was suggested to me, maybe the motive is based on nothing more than jealousy – the fact you are attempting to do something slightly out of the ordinary, makes them feel 'less' in some way and so, in an attempt to stop that feeling, they try and stop you. I guess that makes some kind of sense, but speaking personally, I would rather applaud a friends' success than try to divert them from even trying in the first place.Mind you, I've never suffered from feeling jealous- not that I think I am especially wonderful- I just don't like to spend my days feeling any kind of unpleasant emotion, more than enough are inflicted by everyday life, so I don't need to manufacture any more. Also I am genuinely happy to see someone reach a goal, aside from being thrilled for them, it inspires me to try that bit harder too- so it's positivity all round.

Many years ago, I was at stage school and one of my dearest friends was a truly beautiful dancer, when she moved, it was like the rest of the world stood still and just watched – such was her talent. Anyway, we would often be sent off to various auditions and, invariably, she would get the job and, if I was very lucky, I would get hired too – sadly not because of my talent, but because I was tall and did as I was told! Our fellow classmates would often ask if I was jealous of her, particularly when she was offered work just for appearing at the audition, whereas I would spend the day with the rest of the hopefuls, being yelled at by a disturbingly sadistic choreographer with issues, who would leave us all sweating profusely, trying to assume ever more painful positions, while never forgetting to smile ! Despite this ordeal, I can say, I never felt jealous of her, it was clear she was genuinely gifted and so for her not to be successful, would have been a travesty. Some years later, I went to see her perform in London, I had since accepted it was unlikely I would be the next Barbra Streisand and opted for slightly more achievable goals. When the house lights dimmed, the audience fell silent and there, in a pure white spotlight was my friend, for the next few minutes, I could barely breathe as she performed and it was clear, everyone else was equally captivated. When she finished, the whole auditorium erupted in wild applause, nobody clapping and cheering louder than me. I was crying, I was laughing – bursting with pride just to say I knew her and filled with admiration for her talent. After the show, I went to the Stage Door and there she was, surrounded by admirers, all showering her with well-deserved praise. When our eyes met, she smiled and hugged me tightly before pulling back slightly,

“So what did you think? Was I any good? I wasn't sure...although the audience seemed to like it.”

I was temporarily struck dumb by this enquiry, but this quickly wore off and I gasped,

“Any good???? Were you any good??? You were UNBELIEVABLE!”

She smiled shyly and thanked me, adding if things had been different, it would have been her in the audience and me on the stage,

“...only if the show required a very tall and very obedient cast,” I joked.

She laughed but insisted she was right, we spent the rest of the evening catching up and – weird as it sounds- when I looked at her across the table, I didn't see the acclaimed performer any more, just a very dear, much-loved friend.

I think that's the real point, isn't it? Whatever our successes or failures, real friends are there for them both, they share your happiness and lift you from those doubts. As for those others, who, for whatever reason, try and sabotage your dreams, well, instead of that chair leg, perhaps we just need to politely suggest, they find some of their own and leave us to keep dreaming...until the next time..

Take care out there xx