An awfully Big Adventure or how to get stuff for Free ?

Well, here we are again, another week has gone by and the weekend beckons...without my usual preamble, I am going to plunge straight in with today's topic which is sex. Before you start dimming the lights, pouring yourself a large glass of wine in preparation for some steamy writing...I should tell you, it's not going to be that kind of post. Oh dear, I can almost hear you all stampeding for the door, or, at least, hitting the delete button...but for those who now have their interest piqued, let me explain...

Considering sex is a basic ingredient for most lives, you would perhaps imagine it's a fairly straightforward process, after all, anyone over 13 (although these days probably younger), understands the 'mechanics' but when you start to really look at it, it actually can mean many different things. For example, over the years, I have heard many women speak in really quite derogatory terms about 'how awful prostitutes are', and yet, in only a few sentences later, they have no qualms confiding in their friends, they intend to have sex with their husband later so he will buy them that 'to die for' pair of shoes. So we have two women, giving their bodies to men and being paid....hmmmm...bit of a double standard, don't you think? To the sex worker, sex has become the commodity they sell, perhaps through necessity, maybe an act devoid of any real emotional connection, but a service provided to a willing customer.(Obviously, in my example, I am referencing the professional women in the trade, who have chosen this career and not those who have been forced into it in any way). But to the wife? What is sex to her? It would seem, little more than a relatively easy way to gain materially, so does that make her 'better'? I don't think so, after all, the sex worker and her client are both being open and honest in their transaction, the same cannot really be said of the wife. Oh and a side note, it always saddens me when women are so critical of other women, purely on the basis of their lifestyle, not exactly the 'sisterhood' ideal, but that's another subject.

So back to sex..when you consider it's supposedly- in its purest form- an act of love, it's quite revealing just how many people use it as a kind of weapon. In the most extreme cases, this is obviously a serious criminal offence, such as rape, but even in apparently 'healthy' relationships, its not unknown for one partner to with-hold any kind of intimacy until their demands are met. Whenever I hear someone saying, something like,

“Well, he/she won't be getting as much as a kiss from me until he/she has mown the grass/allowed my mother to move in/watched every episode of my favourite TV series with me.”

Well, this too makes me feel the whole point of sharing yourself with someone, has been reduced to little more than a bargaining tool.

I do wonder how this happens in a relationship, after all, you would hope when two people meet and are attracted to each other, any kind of sexual contact would spring from feelings of lust or love, or better yet, a heady mix of the two! It would be pretty depressing to realise, the only motivation is, in fact, to find someone who you can manipulate for your own material gain. Perhaps when that first flush of being together has worn off, it becomes more of a business partnership, where services are supplied and goods are delivered – but I sincerely hope this is only for a minority.

Speaking personally, I make no excuses when I say, I do have a romantic streak and so I love having that emotional connection as well as the physical fireworks...not to say, I haven't given in to pure lust, but that was mostly back in the dim and distant past, when sex seemed like- as Peter Pan once said – 'an awfully big adventure.' Obviously, before you race off to buy this adult version of the classic, I must stress, Master Pan was not referring to sex when he uttered that line, it just seemed an appropriate description, which, now I think about it, might not have been one of my better ideas.

So, I hope now you can see what I meant by, sex having so many other meanings than the obvious..so it's no wonder sometimes some people get confused ! Just so you know, when I say the words 'some people' and 'confused' in the same sentence, I usually mean me. While I am confessing, I should tell you what happened when I tried to use sex as a way of getting something...many moons ago, when I was with a previous partner, I really wanted a particular leather jacket which, for some inexplicable reason, I thought would make me look like Tina Turner.(I should say here, I could have undergone extensive surgery with a full body transplant and not come within a thousand miles of looking anything like the legendary singer). But despite this, every time I passed the shop window, I would pause and just gaze at this wondrous jacket, becoming more and more convinced it was meant to be mine. While out on one particular day, I showed it to a married workmate and then added, I simply couldn't afford it – she snorted with derision, before explaining, all I needed to do, was make my then-partners' favourite meal, before spending the rest of night engaging in 'mind-blowing' sex, after which, she assured me, he would give me anything I wanted. Later that night, I can happily say, I did feel a pang of guilt as my unknowing partner wolfed down the steak dish I had created, but I tried to replace that feeling, with the imagined joy I would experience, once the jacket was mine. So once dinner was consumed, I entered stage two of the plan, now to insist the sex was 'mind-blowing' does seem unbelievably boastful, so I will only say, we were both satisfied...in fact, so satisfied, we stayed in bed the following day and that night too ! The memory of that jacket quickly faded when I was wrapped in the sheets with my partner. However, in the early hours of the following morning, it suddenly hit me..I had completely forgotten the plan! The whole point of the meal and the sex was to get me that jacket which, in turn, would help me have the merest hint of Ms Turner's style. I quickly concluded, there was still time, so I gently woke my partner and, while he was still half asleep, I told him about the jacket and what it meant to me. He visibly paled when I told him the price, but he assured me, if it was at all possible, I could have it – and I am happy to report, I was able to buy it on my next pay day. I am not-so-happy to report, I spent the following month eating little else but toast while my partner did not suffer at all, as he was away with work and remained well-fed – there's a life lesson right there !

So why am I telling you this? Well, it was one of the very few times I attempted to use sex to get something and the truth is, much as I loved that jacket, I had a wonderful weekend with someone who was very special to me – and I loved that more. Now, as I am sure I have mentioned, I currently have a partner who means the world to me and I can tell you, my friends, there isn't anything I would want more than to spend time with them. The idea of somehow manipulating them to get something just never enters my head and I like it that way. As I said before, I am an incurable romantic, for me – and this is just my opinion so don't feel I am judging anyone- sex will always be an expression of loving lust or, if you prefer, lustful love with no strings attached. For it to become merely a means to an end...seems a waste, but again, that's just my view, as I don't doubt, as I write this to you, there are people across the globe, preparing to seduce their partners to secure a much longed-for item and I sincerely wish them both well, as hopefully, like me, while they are trying to implement their plan, they will realise what's truly important.

I wish I could end this with some wise words about the true meaning of sex, (now admit it, who thought I was going to say Christmas?) But, like many other things in life, I guess we all have to make our own choices...so on that somewhat vague note..until the next time..

Take care out there xx