Technically cheating or not ?
Well, my friends, as always, I hope you're all doing well and the sun is shining on you...it's been quite a week in world news, but rather than wade into the murky waters of the political arena, today's post is about relationships and the effect modern technology seems to be playing a part in 'moving the goal posts.'....let me explain...
There was a time when everyone knew what 'cheating' within a relationship meant, it was simple, but now, thanks to the accessibility of so much technology which include countless dating apps..that definition seems almost outdated. People seem to have developed the idea that flirting online with strangers - even to the point of sharing explicit self-portraits - 'really doesn't count as cheating, it's only a bit of fun.' I have to say, this is not an attitude I can entirely agree with..if you're single, I would certainly be one of the first to encourage you to do anything with anyone as long as you're happy, after all, nobody is going to get hurt. But if I am in a committed relationship ? Well, speaking personally, it just doesn't feel right to me.There just seems a degree of deception involved, saying intimate, sensual words or, in fact, downright pornographic ones..to anyone other than who I am sharing my life. How does it work ? Do you spend hours talking or sexting someone, only to say goodnight and then hop into bed with your partner and say the same things to them ? If that's the way it goes, surely none of those words have any real meaning at all. I don't know whether it's because I have been lied to in my past which has left me with a bulls**t radar which is arguably envied by the FBI, but it just doesn't feel right.
Another aspect is surely the risks involved, if you're naked in a room with one person, even if you never see them again, the only image of you they'll have will live happily,(or perhaps not so happily) in their imagination. But if you send sexually explicit pictures of yourself to someone, those images become their property..they can copy them and send them all over social media and there's nothing you can do. After all, we've all seen the embarrassment caused to certain celebrities when a disgruntled ex decides to get revenge and sells less-than-modest photos to the press. Now before you decide I must be the most boring person on earth who is completely devoid of any sense of fun, I have to say, for me, trust is the most important part of any relationship, I have seen close friends been driven steadily mad, wondering what their boyfriend/girlfriend might be doing behind their back. So, for me, the idea that someone I share myself with on a daily (and nightly basis), might well be sharing themselves with anyone who's taken the time to make a Facebook account, doesn't fill me with much joy !
Having talked about this, it also has occurred to me, there are some people who can almost forget behind every profile picture is a real person who might well bear absolutely no resemblance at all to their public persona ! So there you are, frantically typing away your deepest desires, while occasionally glancing up into the eyes of some gorgeous man/womans' picture, and then you breathlessly hit the 'send' button. A matter of moments later, your torrid prose is received NOT by some Ian Somerhalder/Charlize Theron lookalike, but actually appears on the smeared computer screen of a balding 50 year old, who lives in their mother's basement and whose faded Simpsons t-shirt is lightly- spattered with the remains of yesterday's breakfast.
Even if they are completely lovely, who's to say they aren't married too ? How can you possibly know, while they're telling you, they have 'devoted their lives to helping people which has prevented them having time for romance', when the truth is, their husband/wife is upstairs, attempting to put their unruly toddler triplets to bed.
Now, I must say, I am well aware online relationships can work out and, personally, wherever anyone can find lasting love and happiness is definitely good with me, but I am not talking about single people looking for love. I have to confess, my thoughts have been described as old-fashioned, and - in this one instance- I am fine with that conclusion as, I want...no..I need words to mean something otherwise all they are, is just noise.
There is an argument that online sexual relationships are 'just a bit of an ego boost' and so essentially harmless, after all, 'we all like a bit of flattery.' I guess that second part is true, but receiving a compliment - even one with more than a hint of flirtation - lasts a moment which seems to me, a world away from spending hours, attempting to write raunchy dialogue to accompany the poorly-lit, naked selfie you took in the bedroom, when your partner was at work Obviously, there's also the whole 'live' aspect to this online relationship, where you can saucily perch on the edge of your bed and chat to someone, who -without question- when glancing at their own image in the corner of their screen, is filled with mild horror. Oh yes, my friends even the lovely Ian and Charlize might be concerned when they Facetimed or Skyped ! What's worse, is if you are flushed with self-confidence and start attempting to arouse your viewer by writhing suggestively, you're at risk of having them secretly film you, so at some time later, all the neighbours will be able to watch your performance on youtube.
So how to sum up ? As I've said, for me, I believe intimacy should be for my partner..yes, be flattered but to allow things to go any further than a passing remark ? Well, that just doesn't seem right, it would feel like cheating and that's just not me. However, if you're single ? Just be careful, make sure it really is an Ian or Charlize before sharing too much with them....remember you are worth so much more than providing some creep - man or woman - with a cheap thrill. If you are in a relationship, I guess it's down to us all, to keep the fun, the passion and the sexual element alive and well with our partner because, speaking personally, that's always more satisfying...anyway, that's more than enough for one post..I hope I haven't come across as too dull and you'll be back again soon.. until the next time..
Take care out there xx
There was a time when everyone knew what 'cheating' within a relationship meant, it was simple, but now, thanks to the accessibility of so much technology which include countless dating apps..that definition seems almost outdated. People seem to have developed the idea that flirting online with strangers - even to the point of sharing explicit self-portraits - 'really doesn't count as cheating, it's only a bit of fun.' I have to say, this is not an attitude I can entirely agree with..if you're single, I would certainly be one of the first to encourage you to do anything with anyone as long as you're happy, after all, nobody is going to get hurt. But if I am in a committed relationship ? Well, speaking personally, it just doesn't feel right to me.There just seems a degree of deception involved, saying intimate, sensual words or, in fact, downright pornographic ones..to anyone other than who I am sharing my life. How does it work ? Do you spend hours talking or sexting someone, only to say goodnight and then hop into bed with your partner and say the same things to them ? If that's the way it goes, surely none of those words have any real meaning at all. I don't know whether it's because I have been lied to in my past which has left me with a bulls**t radar which is arguably envied by the FBI, but it just doesn't feel right.
Another aspect is surely the risks involved, if you're naked in a room with one person, even if you never see them again, the only image of you they'll have will live happily,(or perhaps not so happily) in their imagination. But if you send sexually explicit pictures of yourself to someone, those images become their property..they can copy them and send them all over social media and there's nothing you can do. After all, we've all seen the embarrassment caused to certain celebrities when a disgruntled ex decides to get revenge and sells less-than-modest photos to the press. Now before you decide I must be the most boring person on earth who is completely devoid of any sense of fun, I have to say, for me, trust is the most important part of any relationship, I have seen close friends been driven steadily mad, wondering what their boyfriend/girlfriend might be doing behind their back. So, for me, the idea that someone I share myself with on a daily (and nightly basis), might well be sharing themselves with anyone who's taken the time to make a Facebook account, doesn't fill me with much joy !
Having talked about this, it also has occurred to me, there are some people who can almost forget behind every profile picture is a real person who might well bear absolutely no resemblance at all to their public persona ! So there you are, frantically typing away your deepest desires, while occasionally glancing up into the eyes of some gorgeous man/womans' picture, and then you breathlessly hit the 'send' button. A matter of moments later, your torrid prose is received NOT by some Ian Somerhalder/Charlize Theron lookalike, but actually appears on the smeared computer screen of a balding 50 year old, who lives in their mother's basement and whose faded Simpsons t-shirt is lightly- spattered with the remains of yesterday's breakfast.
Even if they are completely lovely, who's to say they aren't married too ? How can you possibly know, while they're telling you, they have 'devoted their lives to helping people which has prevented them having time for romance', when the truth is, their husband/wife is upstairs, attempting to put their unruly toddler triplets to bed.
Now, I must say, I am well aware online relationships can work out and, personally, wherever anyone can find lasting love and happiness is definitely good with me, but I am not talking about single people looking for love. I have to confess, my thoughts have been described as old-fashioned, and - in this one instance- I am fine with that conclusion as, I want...no..I need words to mean something otherwise all they are, is just noise.
There is an argument that online sexual relationships are 'just a bit of an ego boost' and so essentially harmless, after all, 'we all like a bit of flattery.' I guess that second part is true, but receiving a compliment - even one with more than a hint of flirtation - lasts a moment which seems to me, a world away from spending hours, attempting to write raunchy dialogue to accompany the poorly-lit, naked selfie you took in the bedroom, when your partner was at work Obviously, there's also the whole 'live' aspect to this online relationship, where you can saucily perch on the edge of your bed and chat to someone, who -without question- when glancing at their own image in the corner of their screen, is filled with mild horror. Oh yes, my friends even the lovely Ian and Charlize might be concerned when they Facetimed or Skyped ! What's worse, is if you are flushed with self-confidence and start attempting to arouse your viewer by writhing suggestively, you're at risk of having them secretly film you, so at some time later, all the neighbours will be able to watch your performance on youtube.
So how to sum up ? As I've said, for me, I believe intimacy should be for my partner..yes, be flattered but to allow things to go any further than a passing remark ? Well, that just doesn't seem right, it would feel like cheating and that's just not me. However, if you're single ? Just be careful, make sure it really is an Ian or Charlize before sharing too much with them....remember you are worth so much more than providing some creep - man or woman - with a cheap thrill. If you are in a relationship, I guess it's down to us all, to keep the fun, the passion and the sexual element alive and well with our partner because, speaking personally, that's always more satisfying...anyway, that's more than enough for one post..I hope I haven't come across as too dull and you'll be back again soon.. until the next time..
Take care out there xx
