The Age of Innocence
Good morning, my friends, I hope wherever you are, you feel as if the sun is shining on you and all is right with the world. As for myself, looking back over the past week, I have been forced to feel 'old' and, as you can imagine, this is not an emotion I particularly enjoy but I guess it happens to us all - but only from time to time. You might be wondering what has brought me to this state of mind, well, as always, let me explain...
It doesn't seem so long ago, when the only things which occupied young teenagers' minds were movies, music, sport and maybe a crush on a certain celebrity ( as well as the ongoing belief their parents were born in the Stone Age). However, it seems times have changed and now, they seem all too quick to jump head first into the adult world, especially where sex is concerned, and that saddens me. It seems there is seemingly no room for romance or love, ( and yes I am well aware I sound like a Mills & Boon novel), it's now all about sharing naked selfies online and just how fast you can get someone's clothes off. I think it would be easy to say, well, boys have always been like that, wanting to lose their virginity ASAP to somehow prove their manhood, I don't doubt that's true and I think girls might well have been the same, but it's the young age this desire is now hitting which I find troubling. When I was 13, I was at stage school and all I wanted to do, was dance, sing and maybe one day win an Oscar ! My sexual feelings were almost entirely devoted - in an unrequited way - to the actor, Michael Praed, although I do have to confess, it only lasted a few months before I moved on to someone else, (if you're reading this Michael, I can only apologise for being so fickle). Having spoken to other people, it seems they were also almost innocent in their early teens, some talked about having great dreams for their future whereas others it was all about the parties they attended where the most 'risky' thing that happened, was a raid on the parents' drinks cabinet.
So where does this need to be sexually active originate ? I have obviously thought about it before writing this post and it seems too easy to just blame the internet, although many people seem to think that's where the fault lies. I have read countless articles which cite music videos, video games etc as the root of the problem but I am not so sure, without question, the ease of access to all kinds of media must play a part but to decide it's all down to one thing, seems a little 'convenient.' After all, if you find yourself the parent of a particularly promiscuous teenager, and you find that truth a bit hard to live with, then what better than put the responsibility of their behaviour firmly on perhaps Rihanna - after all, you reason,'if it wasn't for all those raunchy videos and lyrics, my daughter would know nothing.'Again, I find this hard to accept, aside from anything else, I have absolutely no doubt Rihanna had no intention of writing and singing any particular sexually explicit song with a 13 year old audience in her mind.
So, you may ask, what do you think ? Well, I wonder if there is some other causes behind this change of mindset, perhaps, for some, sex equals acceptance, after all, if you're a young girl, perhaps painfully self-conscious about your body then suddenly a boy comes along who tells you, you're completely gorgeous. They talk about loving you, how sexy you are - it's not difficult to understand how hearing those words would want you to take things that step further. In a time where it seems physical appearance is all, just to feel accepted, loved and wanted..well, whatever age you are, that's desirable. But I don't believe it's the boys seducing girls, because the way the world is now, they too have to appear 'adult', the pressure is as much on them. After all, if you don't seem to want to have sex, there is sadly always a group who will vocally decide, there's obviously something wrong with you. Although I do want to stress, the need to feel accepted and desired is equally strong in boys as girls.
What saddens me, is when these young people have sex, ( which, if we are honest,does not always entail the breathless, orgasmic experience portrayed in movies), I wonder if they can be emotionally ready. After all, if it's not the 'firework' moment, maybe some boys would feel they have 'failed' or perhaps the girl is left wondering what's 'wrong' with her. Obviously there are also the other possible consequences, unwanted pregnancy, STD's etc, none of which are easy to deal with as an adult, but as a young teenager ? It must be both bewildering and maybe even frightening.
I am not so 'old' in my thinking or in fact, naïve enough, to believe any clock can be turned back to a time when the only apparently dangerous thing most teenagers wanted to experience was a theme park ride. We live in a society now where, in some ways, sex has become little more than a commodity, but I do hope, we can keep alive the notion of it being even better when it's a part of a relationship too. I do worry, perhaps this rush to adulthood means so many teenagers are missing out on just being young, which, as we know, is a time that doesn't last nearly long enough. As I said, when I was 13, the world seemed full of potential and excitement and in my innocence, I felt it was all waiting for me. If I was 13 now, perhaps my time would be spent worrying about how I look and what I could do to ensure anyone would want to have sex with me. It's also entirely possible, I could be spending sleepless nights wondering if I was any 'good' at sex, as the last time I tried, I didn't really feel anything other than some relief the boy left happy. At 13, would I have been confident enough to think, 'well, he had no idea what he was doing ' and slept soundly ?...Not in a million years !
As parents, we can't lock our teenagers away until WE decide they are 'ready', so I guess our only option is to be there and supporting them as best we can, while accepting the world has changed from when we were young and we need to change with it otherwise we risk getting left behind which is no place to be..anyway, with that final thought time for me to start my day..so as always..until the next time...
Take care out there xx
It doesn't seem so long ago, when the only things which occupied young teenagers' minds were movies, music, sport and maybe a crush on a certain celebrity ( as well as the ongoing belief their parents were born in the Stone Age). However, it seems times have changed and now, they seem all too quick to jump head first into the adult world, especially where sex is concerned, and that saddens me. It seems there is seemingly no room for romance or love, ( and yes I am well aware I sound like a Mills & Boon novel), it's now all about sharing naked selfies online and just how fast you can get someone's clothes off. I think it would be easy to say, well, boys have always been like that, wanting to lose their virginity ASAP to somehow prove their manhood, I don't doubt that's true and I think girls might well have been the same, but it's the young age this desire is now hitting which I find troubling. When I was 13, I was at stage school and all I wanted to do, was dance, sing and maybe one day win an Oscar ! My sexual feelings were almost entirely devoted - in an unrequited way - to the actor, Michael Praed, although I do have to confess, it only lasted a few months before I moved on to someone else, (if you're reading this Michael, I can only apologise for being so fickle). Having spoken to other people, it seems they were also almost innocent in their early teens, some talked about having great dreams for their future whereas others it was all about the parties they attended where the most 'risky' thing that happened, was a raid on the parents' drinks cabinet.
 |
| The object of my affections - Mr Praed |
So, you may ask, what do you think ? Well, I wonder if there is some other causes behind this change of mindset, perhaps, for some, sex equals acceptance, after all, if you're a young girl, perhaps painfully self-conscious about your body then suddenly a boy comes along who tells you, you're completely gorgeous. They talk about loving you, how sexy you are - it's not difficult to understand how hearing those words would want you to take things that step further. In a time where it seems physical appearance is all, just to feel accepted, loved and wanted..well, whatever age you are, that's desirable. But I don't believe it's the boys seducing girls, because the way the world is now, they too have to appear 'adult', the pressure is as much on them. After all, if you don't seem to want to have sex, there is sadly always a group who will vocally decide, there's obviously something wrong with you. Although I do want to stress, the need to feel accepted and desired is equally strong in boys as girls.
What saddens me, is when these young people have sex, ( which, if we are honest,does not always entail the breathless, orgasmic experience portrayed in movies), I wonder if they can be emotionally ready. After all, if it's not the 'firework' moment, maybe some boys would feel they have 'failed' or perhaps the girl is left wondering what's 'wrong' with her. Obviously there are also the other possible consequences, unwanted pregnancy, STD's etc, none of which are easy to deal with as an adult, but as a young teenager ? It must be both bewildering and maybe even frightening.
I am not so 'old' in my thinking or in fact, naïve enough, to believe any clock can be turned back to a time when the only apparently dangerous thing most teenagers wanted to experience was a theme park ride. We live in a society now where, in some ways, sex has become little more than a commodity, but I do hope, we can keep alive the notion of it being even better when it's a part of a relationship too. I do worry, perhaps this rush to adulthood means so many teenagers are missing out on just being young, which, as we know, is a time that doesn't last nearly long enough. As I said, when I was 13, the world seemed full of potential and excitement and in my innocence, I felt it was all waiting for me. If I was 13 now, perhaps my time would be spent worrying about how I look and what I could do to ensure anyone would want to have sex with me. It's also entirely possible, I could be spending sleepless nights wondering if I was any 'good' at sex, as the last time I tried, I didn't really feel anything other than some relief the boy left happy. At 13, would I have been confident enough to think, 'well, he had no idea what he was doing ' and slept soundly ?...Not in a million years !
As parents, we can't lock our teenagers away until WE decide they are 'ready', so I guess our only option is to be there and supporting them as best we can, while accepting the world has changed from when we were young and we need to change with it otherwise we risk getting left behind which is no place to be..anyway, with that final thought time for me to start my day..so as always..until the next time...
Take care out there xx
