When Ignorance isn't Bliss
Well, my friends, another day, another post..but today's is perhaps slightly more serious than usual, but don't despair, there are still moments to hopefully cause a smile too. Before I go on, it feels wrong not to mention the recent events in Puerto Rico and Las Vegas...one a natural disaster and the other ? Well, who can know what caused someone to rent a hotel room and then use an arsenal of weapons to slaughter innocent concert-goers ? I am sure, you have shared the horror of watching so many people suffer and felt powerless to do anything to help either situation..speaking for myself, I have sent heartfelt thoughts and love to all the victims and the sincere wish, those in power do everything possible to help them - I am well aware that's not much in the grand scheme of things, but it's all I have.
So with that said, today I want to tell you about an extraordinary time I experienced some years ago, because, ( and I know how often this phrase is used),but it changed my perception of so many things. I had a very dear friend, Jake* he was attractive, funny and charming..we would often joke about running away together and there wasn't a day, when thinking about him didn't make me smile. We were never a couple, which, looking back, was probably a good thing, as perhaps we would have lost our friendship while trying to pursue some kind of romance. Owing to our various commitments, sometimes months would pass and we would hear nothing from the other, but somehow, Life would conspire to bring us together again and the time apart ceased to exist and the conversation would pick up from where we had left it.
Anyway, it was during one of these absences, I realised it had been longer than usual since we had spoken, so I contacted a mutual friend, who told me, Jake was ill and had been hospitalised. When I asked what was wrong, our friend paused, this uncharacteristic hesitation made me anxious,
"What is it ? Which hospital ?" I asked, I heard a heavy sigh before the response came back,
"He's in an AIDS unit."
Now this was at a time, when AIDS had only just really reared its ugly head and had been labelled- amongst other things- as 'the gay plague' and was thought of with fear and precious little understanding. There were those who thought it could be caught from sharing cutlery or using the same drinking glass and all manner of other ridiculous assumptions, thankfully, through my own research, I knew all of these to be untrue and was therefore very keen to visit him. I heard my friend sigh again,
"Are you sure ? You know what people are like, if they find out you've gone, they'll decide you're a risk to them."
"I don't care," I replied more forcefully than I had anticipated," If he had cancer or anything else, I would go."
We talked for a little longer and, reluctantly I agreed to take her advice and tell no-one where I was going.
When I arrived at the unit, I wish I could say I wasn't slightly apprehensive, but I was, especially when the nurse gave me a mask to wear, latex gloves and told me to avoid any kind of physical contact. But undaunted, I walked through the rubber swing doors and into the small ward. I glanced around, looking for Jake - that tall, fit, attractive man who had been a part of my life for so long- but I couldn't see him. I walked further into the ward and heard a weak voice from one of the six beds,
"I knew you'd end up in bed with me one day."
I turned and tried not to show my shock, ( whether I was successful is debateable), he was unrecognisable. His once strong face was now thin and covered with sores, his hair thin, his body seemed to barely make an impression on the wrapped sheets which covered him. He reached out a hand to me, which I took and almost immediately felt, there was no strength there, as if I held too tightly, I could snap every finger. Almost immediately, I could feel the sting of tears but I swallowed hard and took my place next to his bed, resolving that I could cry later but not now.
As we talked- hard as it might be to believe- there were moments when it was as if nothing had changed, his shameless flirting, terrible jokes and undeniable charm seemed to somehow shine through the ravages the illness had taken on his body. When I removed my mask, the other five patients all roared their approval and so, just to maintain momentum, I stripped off the latex gloves too, it was only really at that moment, I realised there were no other visitors...one painfully thin man, wearing a brightly-coloured kimono seemed to pick up on my confusion,
"Oh Sweetcheeks, this is a very exclusive club, we don't let just anyone in...frankly I am surprised the doormen let you in, what were you thinking when you wore those shoes ?"
"I was going for functional with a hint of style," I replied, laughing..his eyebrows arched in horror,
"Really ? A whole hint ?" he answered.
We all laughed and I promised to be more mindful of my fashion choices for my next visit, the man eyed me suspiciously,
"You're a rare one, coming back again, are you that starved for entertainment ?"
I nodded,
"Best show in town, I heard."
He beamed and walked over to me, extending his hand,
"How very true, I am, as I am sure you know, Miss Glory Hole*, and you are Sweetcheeks."
I took his hand and thanked him for my new name, I was about to speak again when a nurse appeared and told me it was time to leave. Despite her obvious displeasure, I kissed Jake on the forehead and promised to be back again soon,
"Don't leave it too long," he said quietly.
I went back the following evening, we all talked and laughed - yes I know that sounds unlikely, but it's absolutely true. After one particular anecdote which frankly, I am not sure I will ever be old enough to hear such was the lurid nature of the story, we were all surprised by the doors suddenly swinging open and two nuns walked in - even the inimitable Miss Hole was left speechless, as they calmly took their place at one bedside. It seemed the occupant Dickie* had asked them to come and pray with him, on hearing this, the 'party' broke up and I watched them all return to their beds before saying goodnight to Jake.
On my next visit, the same nuns appeared at the door, obviously on their way out, I am not sure why, but I stopped them,
"Can I ask something ?"
They smiled and nodded,
"As Catholic nuns, you can't approve of the lifestyle of these wonderful men, yet you're here..doesn't that cause you some conflict ?"
One replied with perhaps one of the wisest sentiments I have ever heard - before or since,
"It is not for us to judge anyone, only God can, but we would be failing if we did not pray, if we did not comfort and, perhaps, most importantly, if we left someone alone who was suffering so much, that's all we can do and that's why we must visit. We know what others might think and feel about this disease, we can do nothing about their choice to turn their backs on those who are facing this time but we trust God will bring these men home and they won't face prejudice or ignorance again."
Before I had a chance to respond, they wished me well and left me at the doors, when I walked in, I immediately noticed two of the beds were empty, one was Dickies' and the other was a quiet young man, who had said little during my previous visits, but held my hand when I was close. The mood in the ward was quiet as I walked over to Jake's bed, he seemed even weaker, even thinner and I held his hand tightly - I wasn't ready to let him go just yet.
The silence was broken by Glory, he threw back his bedsheets and stood in the middle of the ward,
"F**k this ! It's just so wrong...we should be out there, bringing some f*****g sparkle to that boring, grey world out there..not be stuck in here like a row of f*****g corpses waiting to be wheeled out."
Someone else started to speak, but he broke down completely, huge, body-racking sobs, I went over to him and held him close, there was nothing to say. After a few minutes, he pulled away and looked at me,
"How could you make a move on me ? You're so not my type."
I smiled and shook my head,
"You can't blame a girl for trying."
He laughed and stood up,
"I must look awful..time to reapply the slap (make-up), I am not going to heaven looking like this...and before anyone speaks, yes, I am going to heaven and yes, I am having the biggest angel wings they have in stock."
When I left the ward, I was stopped by a very smartly-dressed woman, who almost before speaking, thrust a bunch of business cards in my hand,
"Pass these around in there," she asked, "but only to the ones who can leave the ward, I have a centre just around the corner, so they can get a cab."
I read the card, there was a name and then the words 'faith healing', 'past life issues' and many other apparent skills,
"So you can heal ?" I asked, she beamed and nodded,
"So go in there and heal them," I continued, her smile faded and she shifted awkwardly,
"I would, but I have so many clients, I have to be careful..they'd need at least six sessions with me, that's a lot of exposure to..er..their illness...but I can sort out a payment plan."
I gave her the pile of cards back,
"Just go away, you should be ashamed."
I heard her call after me, something about all her testimonials and how 'successful' she had been and how she wanted to help, it was this last statement which made me stop and turn back,
"If you really want to help and you have even half the gifts you say you have, go in there and help them, not for money..just because you can."
She looked awkward again,
"I have to make a living, I can't just give these gifts away for nothing, who does that?"
I noticed the ornate crucifix she was wearing,
"He did," I replied and walked away from her.
Two days later, when I arrived at the ward, Glory had gone and Jake was now so weak, he could barely speak, so I sat and held his hand. Before I left that night, I told him I loved him and despite everything he must have been feeling, he smiled,
"Now you tell me, so does that mean you want me now ?"
I smiled,
"You'd have to buy me a drink first, I am not cheap."
When I left that evening, I knew we had said goodbye and, I have no shame admitting, I cried all the way home.
After Jake, I heard so many people talk with such incredible ignorance and prejudice about AIDS sufferers, how often it was suggested, they somehow 'deserved' the illness and 'if they chose to live like that, they shouldn't be surprised.' For a time, I kept silent about my experience, but after listening to yet another load of hate-filled bile, I spoke out,
"You know nothing ! Nobody deserves to face death in such a painful and terrifying way."
There was silence, part of me ( I am ashamed to say) wanted to stop talking, but thankfully, the majority kept going, I talked about everything I had seen and how sufferers needed to feel loved and cared about, as much as anyone else dealing with any terminal illness. When I had finally said everything, one man, who referred to himself as a loving Christian, spoke,
"What they do is a sin in the eyes of God, so don't expect any sympathy from me or any other right-minded person."
I looked him straight in the eye and told him about the two nuns who clearly didn't share his opinion, his cheeks flushed red and he walked away from me. Others stayed to ask questions, while I could see some people, were backing away, as if fearful they might 'catch' something from me. Some months later, Princess Diana was pictured at an AIDS unit and public opinion slowly started to change for which I am truly thankful.
So why did this experience have such an impact on me ? Well, I learned a great deal about ignorance and fear of the unknown, which seems to still have a place in society now - after all, as an example, much is said about the Muslim community by people who have no real idea what the faith is about. But I also learned not to think I know everything either, I badly misjudged those nuns, as I thought they were there to condemn, whereas, they simply wanted to care and support.
Hopefully, I am less quick now to make assumptions, to speak out even when you might be condemned for your opinion, but most of all, I hope I have brought my children up to never have prejudice and never speak from ignorance - if I have done that, then I have genuinely achieved in my life.
Anyway, that's more than enough from me..so until next time..as always...
Take care out there xx
 |
| Said so much better than I ever could |
Anyway, it was during one of these absences, I realised it had been longer than usual since we had spoken, so I contacted a mutual friend, who told me, Jake was ill and had been hospitalised. When I asked what was wrong, our friend paused, this uncharacteristic hesitation made me anxious,
"What is it ? Which hospital ?" I asked, I heard a heavy sigh before the response came back,
"He's in an AIDS unit."
Now this was at a time, when AIDS had only just really reared its ugly head and had been labelled- amongst other things- as 'the gay plague' and was thought of with fear and precious little understanding. There were those who thought it could be caught from sharing cutlery or using the same drinking glass and all manner of other ridiculous assumptions, thankfully, through my own research, I knew all of these to be untrue and was therefore very keen to visit him. I heard my friend sigh again,
"I don't care," I replied more forcefully than I had anticipated," If he had cancer or anything else, I would go."
We talked for a little longer and, reluctantly I agreed to take her advice and tell no-one where I was going.
When I arrived at the unit, I wish I could say I wasn't slightly apprehensive, but I was, especially when the nurse gave me a mask to wear, latex gloves and told me to avoid any kind of physical contact. But undaunted, I walked through the rubber swing doors and into the small ward. I glanced around, looking for Jake - that tall, fit, attractive man who had been a part of my life for so long- but I couldn't see him. I walked further into the ward and heard a weak voice from one of the six beds,
"I knew you'd end up in bed with me one day."
I turned and tried not to show my shock, ( whether I was successful is debateable), he was unrecognisable. His once strong face was now thin and covered with sores, his hair thin, his body seemed to barely make an impression on the wrapped sheets which covered him. He reached out a hand to me, which I took and almost immediately felt, there was no strength there, as if I held too tightly, I could snap every finger. Almost immediately, I could feel the sting of tears but I swallowed hard and took my place next to his bed, resolving that I could cry later but not now.
As we talked- hard as it might be to believe- there were moments when it was as if nothing had changed, his shameless flirting, terrible jokes and undeniable charm seemed to somehow shine through the ravages the illness had taken on his body. When I removed my mask, the other five patients all roared their approval and so, just to maintain momentum, I stripped off the latex gloves too, it was only really at that moment, I realised there were no other visitors...one painfully thin man, wearing a brightly-coloured kimono seemed to pick up on my confusion,
"Oh Sweetcheeks, this is a very exclusive club, we don't let just anyone in...frankly I am surprised the doormen let you in, what were you thinking when you wore those shoes ?"
"I was going for functional with a hint of style," I replied, laughing..his eyebrows arched in horror,
"Really ? A whole hint ?" he answered.
We all laughed and I promised to be more mindful of my fashion choices for my next visit, the man eyed me suspiciously,
"You're a rare one, coming back again, are you that starved for entertainment ?"
I nodded,
"Best show in town, I heard."
He beamed and walked over to me, extending his hand,
"How very true, I am, as I am sure you know, Miss Glory Hole*, and you are Sweetcheeks."
I took his hand and thanked him for my new name, I was about to speak again when a nurse appeared and told me it was time to leave. Despite her obvious displeasure, I kissed Jake on the forehead and promised to be back again soon,
"Don't leave it too long," he said quietly.
I went back the following evening, we all talked and laughed - yes I know that sounds unlikely, but it's absolutely true. After one particular anecdote which frankly, I am not sure I will ever be old enough to hear such was the lurid nature of the story, we were all surprised by the doors suddenly swinging open and two nuns walked in - even the inimitable Miss Hole was left speechless, as they calmly took their place at one bedside. It seemed the occupant Dickie* had asked them to come and pray with him, on hearing this, the 'party' broke up and I watched them all return to their beds before saying goodnight to Jake.
On my next visit, the same nuns appeared at the door, obviously on their way out, I am not sure why, but I stopped them,
"Can I ask something ?"
They smiled and nodded,
"As Catholic nuns, you can't approve of the lifestyle of these wonderful men, yet you're here..doesn't that cause you some conflict ?"
One replied with perhaps one of the wisest sentiments I have ever heard - before or since,
"It is not for us to judge anyone, only God can, but we would be failing if we did not pray, if we did not comfort and, perhaps, most importantly, if we left someone alone who was suffering so much, that's all we can do and that's why we must visit. We know what others might think and feel about this disease, we can do nothing about their choice to turn their backs on those who are facing this time but we trust God will bring these men home and they won't face prejudice or ignorance again."
Before I had a chance to respond, they wished me well and left me at the doors, when I walked in, I immediately noticed two of the beds were empty, one was Dickies' and the other was a quiet young man, who had said little during my previous visits, but held my hand when I was close. The mood in the ward was quiet as I walked over to Jake's bed, he seemed even weaker, even thinner and I held his hand tightly - I wasn't ready to let him go just yet.
The silence was broken by Glory, he threw back his bedsheets and stood in the middle of the ward,
"F**k this ! It's just so wrong...we should be out there, bringing some f*****g sparkle to that boring, grey world out there..not be stuck in here like a row of f*****g corpses waiting to be wheeled out."
Someone else started to speak, but he broke down completely, huge, body-racking sobs, I went over to him and held him close, there was nothing to say. After a few minutes, he pulled away and looked at me,
"How could you make a move on me ? You're so not my type."
I smiled and shook my head,
"You can't blame a girl for trying."
He laughed and stood up,
"I must look awful..time to reapply the slap (make-up), I am not going to heaven looking like this...and before anyone speaks, yes, I am going to heaven and yes, I am having the biggest angel wings they have in stock."
When I left the ward, I was stopped by a very smartly-dressed woman, who almost before speaking, thrust a bunch of business cards in my hand,
"Pass these around in there," she asked, "but only to the ones who can leave the ward, I have a centre just around the corner, so they can get a cab."
I read the card, there was a name and then the words 'faith healing', 'past life issues' and many other apparent skills,
"So you can heal ?" I asked, she beamed and nodded,
"So go in there and heal them," I continued, her smile faded and she shifted awkwardly,
"I would, but I have so many clients, I have to be careful..they'd need at least six sessions with me, that's a lot of exposure to..er..their illness...but I can sort out a payment plan."
I gave her the pile of cards back,
"Just go away, you should be ashamed."
I heard her call after me, something about all her testimonials and how 'successful' she had been and how she wanted to help, it was this last statement which made me stop and turn back,
"If you really want to help and you have even half the gifts you say you have, go in there and help them, not for money..just because you can."
She looked awkward again,
"I have to make a living, I can't just give these gifts away for nothing, who does that?"
I noticed the ornate crucifix she was wearing,
"He did," I replied and walked away from her.
Two days later, when I arrived at the ward, Glory had gone and Jake was now so weak, he could barely speak, so I sat and held his hand. Before I left that night, I told him I loved him and despite everything he must have been feeling, he smiled,
"Now you tell me, so does that mean you want me now ?"
I smiled,
"You'd have to buy me a drink first, I am not cheap."
When I left that evening, I knew we had said goodbye and, I have no shame admitting, I cried all the way home.
After Jake, I heard so many people talk with such incredible ignorance and prejudice about AIDS sufferers, how often it was suggested, they somehow 'deserved' the illness and 'if they chose to live like that, they shouldn't be surprised.' For a time, I kept silent about my experience, but after listening to yet another load of hate-filled bile, I spoke out,
"You know nothing ! Nobody deserves to face death in such a painful and terrifying way."
There was silence, part of me ( I am ashamed to say) wanted to stop talking, but thankfully, the majority kept going, I talked about everything I had seen and how sufferers needed to feel loved and cared about, as much as anyone else dealing with any terminal illness. When I had finally said everything, one man, who referred to himself as a loving Christian, spoke,
"What they do is a sin in the eyes of God, so don't expect any sympathy from me or any other right-minded person."
I looked him straight in the eye and told him about the two nuns who clearly didn't share his opinion, his cheeks flushed red and he walked away from me. Others stayed to ask questions, while I could see some people, were backing away, as if fearful they might 'catch' something from me. Some months later, Princess Diana was pictured at an AIDS unit and public opinion slowly started to change for which I am truly thankful.
So why did this experience have such an impact on me ? Well, I learned a great deal about ignorance and fear of the unknown, which seems to still have a place in society now - after all, as an example, much is said about the Muslim community by people who have no real idea what the faith is about. But I also learned not to think I know everything either, I badly misjudged those nuns, as I thought they were there to condemn, whereas, they simply wanted to care and support.
Hopefully, I am less quick now to make assumptions, to speak out even when you might be condemned for your opinion, but most of all, I hope I have brought my children up to never have prejudice and never speak from ignorance - if I have done that, then I have genuinely achieved in my life.
Anyway, that's more than enough from me..so until next time..as always...
Take care out there xx
