What is a Life ?

Hello again, I hope everything is going as well as it should for you..owing to a number of recent events discussed in the media, I've been left wondering about Life..the Collins English Dictionary helpfully has this definition :-

Life is the quality which people, animals, and plants have when they are not dead, and which objects and substances do not have.

So, that seems pretty straightforward, doesn't it ? But the reality is so far removed from these words..we say that all life is precious and I believe that to be true, after all, when everything is going well, which one of us would gladly give it up ? Who would hold on to it for as long as possible ? Probably most of us. But when the days aren't so bright and the nights feel like they will never end, I wonder how precious we think Life is then...from my own experience, there are times I would have given it away in a heartbeat.




Now, I am not saying living isn't important - not at all ! But what I am saying, is those who find it impossible should not be judged or seen as 'weak'...again, speaking from experience, they're just tired. When day to day life feels like an endless struggle to get nowhere, it doesn't come across as precious..in fact, it becomes the enemy. It's a dark place to be, when you're locked away in your house and you can hear the rest of the world going on with things - just outside your window - yet you feel no connection at all. You feel invisible, you find yourself wondering who would notice if I wasn't here ? It's truly sad, how sometimes, when your mind is so exhausted from 'thinking', you can almost forget those people around you - the ones who genuinely care. I have wondered if somehow, it's a trick your mind plays, making you feel so isolated by your own personal demons...there's no room left for anything even slightly positive.

It is always a tragedy when someone has become so lost, they believe no-one can find them..as if they have been dragged down by some kind of emotional riptide and nobody can reach them. As I am writing from my own experience, perhaps surprisingly, I can tell you, there is a kind of peace when you feel yourself slipping under the waves...it feels like you've been swimming against the tide for hours- maybe even weeks or months - when suddenly you allow yourself to stop. I have felt that feeling and, when things are hard, it's so tempting to want to have that experience again - it's a bit like being weightless when everything that's been dragging you down, isn't there any more and you feel free.

But taking away your life comes at such a high price for those left behind, they are reduced to every possible kind of negative emotion - guilt, anger, sadness, pain and a kind of desperate confusion. You see, also speaking from experience, you find yourself trying to make sense of it all, you cast your mind back, looking for signs you might have missed, words you could have said and didn't, gestures you could have made and were too busy - basically, you're left with feeling blame. I have to say, right here and now, I don't believe anyone should allow that 'B' word into their minds, for no other reason, they did not choose the path their loved one took. I have seen people speak of their anger at the person who is gone, they will mention everything they feel they had to 'live for'...all I can say is, those things feel a thousand miles away when you're in the darkness of your own mind.

I don't believe everyone who decides to leave life, follows the same path, the same thought processes as anyone else - we are all unique, so to try and suggest differently when there are tragic circumstances, doesn't feel right to me at all. For the most part, we are left not really knowing why someone couldn't live any more...from an academic point of view, we can list possible scenarios and symptoms, but ultimately, how those combined in each case, will always be slightly different. Aside from anything else, none of us really know everything about anyone...there are dark corners in all our minds, places our thoughts go to at 2.00 a.m. which nobody could imagine.

So is all life precious ? Well, I believe it is, but for those words to mean anything at all, we have to try harder to be more aware of each other, to not only see what we expect but take time to look beyond the obvious. I don't think a time will ever be reached, when nobody looks in the mirror and realises, this is their last day...but I do think we can lose fewer people. We have to look beyond ourselves and our own judgements too - what might seem like a trivial incident to us, might just be the thing that pushes them over the edge. We need to stop believing that someone who has wealth, has everything...because there have been so many high profile cases who have tragically found no comfort in their apparently luxurious lifestyle and decided to leave it behind.

If I sound passionate about this subject, it's because I am..there have been so many times when I have felt I am screaming for help and nobody has heard, where just getting through the next hour has felt like a Herculean task....whereas I have also been on the other side, when I have seen someone close on some kind of runaway emotional train and I can't get them off it.

Finally, the amount of life we are given is little more than a grain of sand on the beach of time..in the grand scheme of things, living for 90 years is nothing compared to the world at large, I just hope we all get to have every day, that together, we get all of us to the end of the race. I can say with some sadness, I take no pride in knowing I wanted to quit on all of you because it became too hard and I got too tired to keep going....I also know, because of what goes on in my head, those days will come again, but I will promise to try and be there at the finish line.

As for those who could not stay in the race, there is no judgement...speaking for myself - and only for myself - I hope you have found the peace, you could not find here. 

I asked 'what is a life ?' I still don't really know what it's meant to be, beyond perhaps the belief, it's a chance we are given...until the next time..


Take care out there xx

Popular Posts