Positive Resolutions
Well, Happy New Year everyone..I hope you all had a wonderful time over the festive period and celebrated the end of 2018 in style. I know,for many people, they won't be sorry for the year to finish so let's hope this new one brings happiness and peace to all. As with everyone, this is the time for me to start considering resolutions and it's this, I want to write about today, because, it struck me just how 'negative' a lot of mine were..let me explain..
Perhaps like many of you, I usually decide I need to lose some weight...but even this seemingly innocuous thought comes from a place where I obviously feel, there's something' wrong' with how I look. By making this resolution, I am actually making myself feel bad ! No wonder I generally fail !
So this year, I am deciding to try and be healthier, so the focus is not on the bathroom scales but more on, how I feel..which has to be a better option. I have also noticed, many people make resolutions about how to 'improve' themselves in other ways, but those also suggest, they need improvement in the first place whereas what might be required, is just a different way of looking at their lives. I am completely supportive of anyone who decides they want to learn a new skill or find a more satisfying job, but, it shouldn't mean, how they are now, is - in any way - a failure. We should all try and see any changes we make as enhancing what's already there rather than sighing heavily and deciding the whole lot has to be scrapped, so we can start again.
Sadly, I have known too many people, who decide they're going to regularly attend the gym, when, at no other point in their lives, have they ever really wanted to work out. So what happens ? Invariably, they go a couple of times, decide they hate it and never go again - in one case, a dear friend sped home from one training session feeling completely demoralised, paused only to buy ice cream before crawling into her bed, having decided she just wasn't meant to be slim. The true irony was, not only the fact she wasn't overweight but she had somehow forgotten her almost pathological hatred of getting sweaty - something which was always going to happen in a gym ! We talked and came to the conclusion, she should perhaps abandon the whole rigid exercise routine idea and maybe just go for a long walk every day. I am happy to say, she did, and after six months, was infinitely healthier.
Another friend decided she was going to give up drinking completely, it seemed she felt, there had been way too much alcohol happening in her life and so, the only way, was to quit. Her resolve was almost immediately tested as a mutual friend of ours decided to get engaged on Valentine's Day and sent out party invitations. So off we went, at first, I was frankly amazed as my friend sipped her fruit juice combo while everyone else seemed hellbent on drinking as much as possible. Unfortunately, as the night wore on, it became increasingly obvious, she was far from happy ! While everyone else around her was either dancing, laughing hysterically and generally intoxicated...there she stood, grimly clutching her bottle of water. Finally, after hearing the instantly-recognisable intro of 'The Weather Girls' classic, 'It's Raining Men' began...she could take it no more, so she swigged a large gulp of vodka before kicking off her shoes and becoming the lead vocalist.
Now, it could be said, she shouldn't have needed alcohol to be able to have a good time...but that would be said by someone extremely judgemental, who is supremely confident performing in front of others ! As I watched her strut her way around the room, her eyes sparkling and a broad smile lighting up her whole face...well, it was how she should be also it was the first time during the whole party, where she was obviously enjoying herself and entertaining everyone else. Naturally, the following day, we talked and she was clearly both angry and disappointed with herself..seeing her alleged 'fall from grace' as a sign of her weakness. Thankfully, I was able to persuade her, she had done nothing wrong at all. Obviously drinking heavily is extremely detrimental to anyone, but the occasional night where you just 'let your hair down' was hardly a criminal offence. So she made a more realistic resolution than the original - rather than giving up completely, her alcohol consumption would be limited to special occasions and perhaps the odd weekend glass or two. As far as I know, not only did she stick to this plan for the year but, in fact, it became a way of life.
Perhaps most resolutions are doomed to fail because they involve denying ourselves some kind of pleasure and in lives which can be difficult and fraught with problems, this further pressure is completely unhelpful. Also, when we don't manage to keep them, we are then confronted with a whole heap of negative feelings from feeling like a failure to deciding we are, in some way, weak. I think this is why I feel so strongly, we need to set realistic goals, to aim for things which ( as I said before) don't come from seeing what we thing is 'wrong' with ourselves but more about building on what's right.
Anyway, so what are my resolutions aside from wanting to be healthier ? Well, having finally achieved some kind of stability when it comes to being housed and having a regular income, I want to be very proactive about where my future lies - and its not where I am now. But, as I said before, I don't look back and feel I've failed in some way because I'm not where I want to be..oh no..I actually feel very proud of myself and my daughter because we have managed to overcome so many problems to get to this place where a future can be planned. Secondly, I have started writing a new book, so obviously, the resolution is to finish and send it out into the world. At the end of 2018, I really rediscovered my love of simply telling a story, so this is why I am keen not to allow that desire to get buried under all the everyday nonsense which takes up so much of all our days. Aside from these, I want to try and end the torment of my ongoing battle with insomnia, so I'm heading to the doctors to try and find some method of making sleep less of a stranger to me. So, to some, my resolutions might not seem especially ground-breaking, but, for me they do feel possible.
Finally, I ask you, to not make similar mistakes..to look at yourself and your lives in a positive way...let your main resolution be to like what you see in the mirror, be proud of every goal you reach and- perhaps most importantly, if it doesn't quite work out, don't allow yourself to feel any sense of failure..after all, as Scarlett O'Hara famously said in 'Gone With the Wind'...'tomorrow is another day.'
I wish you all a wonderful 2019 and as always...until next time...
Take care out there xxxx
Perhaps like many of you, I usually decide I need to lose some weight...but even this seemingly innocuous thought comes from a place where I obviously feel, there's something' wrong' with how I look. By making this resolution, I am actually making myself feel bad ! No wonder I generally fail !
Sadly, I have known too many people, who decide they're going to regularly attend the gym, when, at no other point in their lives, have they ever really wanted to work out. So what happens ? Invariably, they go a couple of times, decide they hate it and never go again - in one case, a dear friend sped home from one training session feeling completely demoralised, paused only to buy ice cream before crawling into her bed, having decided she just wasn't meant to be slim. The true irony was, not only the fact she wasn't overweight but she had somehow forgotten her almost pathological hatred of getting sweaty - something which was always going to happen in a gym ! We talked and came to the conclusion, she should perhaps abandon the whole rigid exercise routine idea and maybe just go for a long walk every day. I am happy to say, she did, and after six months, was infinitely healthier.
Another friend decided she was going to give up drinking completely, it seemed she felt, there had been way too much alcohol happening in her life and so, the only way, was to quit. Her resolve was almost immediately tested as a mutual friend of ours decided to get engaged on Valentine's Day and sent out party invitations. So off we went, at first, I was frankly amazed as my friend sipped her fruit juice combo while everyone else seemed hellbent on drinking as much as possible. Unfortunately, as the night wore on, it became increasingly obvious, she was far from happy ! While everyone else around her was either dancing, laughing hysterically and generally intoxicated...there she stood, grimly clutching her bottle of water. Finally, after hearing the instantly-recognisable intro of 'The Weather Girls' classic, 'It's Raining Men' began...she could take it no more, so she swigged a large gulp of vodka before kicking off her shoes and becoming the lead vocalist.
Perhaps most resolutions are doomed to fail because they involve denying ourselves some kind of pleasure and in lives which can be difficult and fraught with problems, this further pressure is completely unhelpful. Also, when we don't manage to keep them, we are then confronted with a whole heap of negative feelings from feeling like a failure to deciding we are, in some way, weak. I think this is why I feel so strongly, we need to set realistic goals, to aim for things which ( as I said before) don't come from seeing what we thing is 'wrong' with ourselves but more about building on what's right.
Anyway, so what are my resolutions aside from wanting to be healthier ? Well, having finally achieved some kind of stability when it comes to being housed and having a regular income, I want to be very proactive about where my future lies - and its not where I am now. But, as I said before, I don't look back and feel I've failed in some way because I'm not where I want to be..oh no..I actually feel very proud of myself and my daughter because we have managed to overcome so many problems to get to this place where a future can be planned. Secondly, I have started writing a new book, so obviously, the resolution is to finish and send it out into the world. At the end of 2018, I really rediscovered my love of simply telling a story, so this is why I am keen not to allow that desire to get buried under all the everyday nonsense which takes up so much of all our days. Aside from these, I want to try and end the torment of my ongoing battle with insomnia, so I'm heading to the doctors to try and find some method of making sleep less of a stranger to me. So, to some, my resolutions might not seem especially ground-breaking, but, for me they do feel possible.
Finally, I ask you, to not make similar mistakes..to look at yourself and your lives in a positive way...let your main resolution be to like what you see in the mirror, be proud of every goal you reach and- perhaps most importantly, if it doesn't quite work out, don't allow yourself to feel any sense of failure..after all, as Scarlett O'Hara famously said in 'Gone With the Wind'...'tomorrow is another day.'
I wish you all a wonderful 2019 and as always...until next time...
Take care out there xxxx
