Looking back to go forwards...

Well, here we are, halfway through the week already – where does the time go? Anyway, while on the subject of time, I’ve been thinking about life and how perhaps we can fall into the trap of believing we have plenty of years ahead, so we put off doing things. I am sure, you’re the same, but I often find myself saying, ‘I will do that when I have time’, but sad to say, I am not sure the ‘time’ I mention, every actually happens. Other things get in the way, and what seemed to be of vital importance a month ago, seems to have somehow got lost.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am active on Facebook, and many times I see quotes posted by friends about making the most of your life, which is obviously a wise sentiment, but recently they got me thinking- was I really making the most of mine? It’s true, I have spent several years as a single parent, so my time was devoted to raising my children and providing for them. Looking back, I don’t regret a moment of doing that, I chose to bring them into the world so they were, and still are, my responsibility and, aside from anything else, I love them. But now they are older, my role in their lives has changed, so what now? When I was writing ‘Changes’, the central character faces a similar situation, where she looks at her future, she finds this step into the unknown quite intimidating and I think, in reality, we all do.

I know from my own experience, because I had children, most things were done with them in mind, so, for example, reckless spending just wasn’t an option,(although as those of you who are single parents will know, the opportunities for such an activity are as rare as hens’ teeth). I cannot tell you how many times I would carefully save money so I could treat myself to something, and one of the kids would come home either with a letter asking for the money for a school trip or the infamous ‘I’ve lost my sports kit/pencil case/school jumper/shoes etc.’ Oh yes, there have been many gloomy trips into town to buy a replacement item, while wistfully realising my treat would be postponed again.

But now, as those years have largely passed, although I do occasionally get ‘my phone is out of credit’, I have time to focus on myself. I have to confess, at first, I had no ideas what I wanted to do with all this new time, the future seemed like a vast, empty void and I had nothing to fill it with at all. So, I tried looking back for inspiration, to that time in the dim and distant past, before motherhood, who had I been then? Well, from the first look through the old photographs, I was an insult to fashion! Suddenly all those times my father would look at my latest skimpy creation and politely enquire ‘Where’s the rest of it?’ Or, more often, my mother would remark I looked ‘tarty’, to which I invariably answered, ‘Jam or Apple?’ This response always resulted in one of her icy glares which could reduce grown men to a heap of radioactive dust. But when I looked beyond the fashion nightmare, I saw the face of my younger self and it made me remember, back then, I was fearless, to me, life was an adventure, filled with possibilities and I was hellbent on having them all. When I checked out my own, current reflection, well, I did wonder where that had gone, but, of course, it hadn’t ‘gone’ anywhere, it was just partially buried under responsibility and the notion it now was the time for being more ‘sensible’.

Thankfully, a further glance at that younger me, reminded me ‘sensible’ had never really been a major part of my personality, just a look at my towering high heeled boots which, at the time, I wore to almost every occasion, including a rock concert in a field, confirmed that belief. Suddenly a glorious epiphany occurred, now the children were older, I didn’t have to be ‘sensible’ or ‘responsible’ any more – Woohoo!

 

 

So now filled with this joyous revelation, I remembered how much I’d loved to write, so, after several false starts, I wrote a book and then another, in fact, as I am writing this today, a third is well on its way too. I had always wanted to travel again, so a couple of years ago, I hopped on a plane and flew alone to Melbourne,(as to why Australia, well, that’s another story). I cannot tell you just how many people in my life have shaken their heads in dismay at my antics, commenting ‘it will all end in tears’ or ‘ flying across the world on your own? That’s just asking for trouble’. But do you know something? Over these past three years, I have had just the best time and I am not done yet – life is meant to be lived, so we should all make the most of the one we are given, (I want to make it clear, I have total respect for those faiths which believe in reincarnation, but I hope you see what I mean without taking offence).

So if you’re facing a similar situation, where the future seems to hold nothing more exciting than buying a comfy pair of slippers, look back to your younger self and if they were reckless, give that another try and if they weren’t, well, be that rebellious teenager you longed to be..after all, it is your life...until the next time…

Take care out there xx